This time next week (Lord willing) I'll be all moved in to my new home. But, who knows if that will really happen. According to the same calendar, I was going to visit my boyfriend's family in the Midwest two weeks from now. That's not going to happen, since we broke up yesterday.
But, just in case I actually do move next week, I started cleaning and preparing for the move.
I found a journal from freshman year in college. Almost six years ago I wrote the phrase: "It's hard to depend, to surrender control and trust someone else." 7-10-05
Sometimes I wonder if I've really changed that much in six years. But, this side of 19 years old, I can look back on numerous instances of God proving His faithfulness. I see the benefits of surrendering control. I see the beauty of agreeing with and submitting to His plan.
Even more so, I am glad that I have been able to trust my heart to other people. Hiking today with a good friend also working through a recent breakup, I see the value of vulnerability. Sure, I wish my heart didn't have to get dragged around in broken relationships. However, I see new maturity in my own life that I would have never known existed until it was tested.
Praise God for His faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning.
The very next day in my journal, I wrote out Romans 15:13:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Then, "I still have so much breaking left. God, I'm not totally submitted yet. I'm clinging to my goals and dreams. I am not surrendered yet. Crap. This is going to be tough until I let you love me."
It's ironic that nearly six years later I could pray the same prayer. The dreams are the same: live in Africa as a professional missionary, serve with a loving husband, and raise a family that fears God. None of the dreams are evil in intent. But God's plan is bigger.
Again, God asks me to enjoy Him in Kitsap county. Again, God offers abundance and overflow as I trust Him. Again, He promises to fill me with peace, with joy, with hope, and with power.
What a beautiful reminder of the mission He has in mind.
While I'm sad to lose Ben's companionship, I'm excited for the adventure God has in store for each of us. Apparently, we're called to follow Him in different directions. Sometimes even break ups can bring God glory.
I can't wait to see how God reveals His glory this summer. I am anxious for the revival of 2011-2012. Kitsap will be shaken to its core because our God is a God who prevails.
And I really hope I continue to grow in trusting God for the next six years.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Oh, these are good words, Laura. We live in anticipation and when our world gets tipped a bit, we find Him solid. Praying for you and loving your heart very much.
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