turning worry into worship

With my upcoming trip to Burkina Faso becoming more and more of a reality, I caught myself worrying that I'd made the wrong choice to pursue National Boards. Not that I'm going to quit (after investing $2500 and WAY too much time into the process). I know that I write well enough, so I have been relying on my own skills and abilities to finish the required papers. I confided to my mentor this week that I had been worrying about my abilities to finish the portfolio and assessment. When I sat down to write, I was hit by an overwhelming sense of guilt, that I chose to pursue National Boards certification for selfish, self-promoting reasons.

"Do you pray?", she asked.

Um, no. It was so obvious, sitting there in the coffee shop. But so monumental in the me-focused hyper-reality that is me and my tired little laptop.

"Turn your National Boards writing into worship," she proposed.

That's a game changer. Hold on, I think the Universe just shifted.

So, this weekend I worshipped our Creator with the creativity He gave me. All of the skills and abilities that I have are because of His grace and provision. Any compassion I show in the classroom is reflection of His compassion for me and humanity. My interactions with students, staff, and community come from a God-given desire for transformation in Kitsap county. Somehow, because of His faithfulness, my worry melted into worship this weekend.

In religious defense of the Sabbath, I haven't "worked" on Sundays since January 2009. It has been a beautiful, healthy boundary for the most part. With a March 31 deadline fast approaching for the National Boards portfolio, I've been especially religious to not write any National Boards papers on Sunday.

Today's sermon on religious arrogance and hypocrisy, coupled with the newfound directive to write my portfolio as an act of worship, changed my perspective. After an unforeseen request from a neighbor to drive to the police department (another story for another day), I went to work out at the Y. I happened to roll out my yoga mat next to Molly, the district facilitator for... the National Boards process. She gave some positive feedback about a recent entry I had e-mailed, letting me know that her detailed suggestions were waiting in my work inbox. Then, we talked work and mission before yoga class began.

What to do: sabbath or worship?

That's the beauty of grace. Religion doesn't save me, Jesus does. So I came home and settled into full-on worship mode.

Learning the truth of humility. There will be many more times I have to change my ways. Many more chances to recognize mistakes and learn from them. Other opportunities to turn worry into worship.

It may take a lifetime of game-changers, universe shiftings, coffee shops, and yoga classes to train my heart to praise His name. So very grateful for grace tonight. Rejoicing in salvation I can't earn.

A verse from today's word study on humility:
For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. -Psalm 149:4