The other day (yesterday, actually) I asked my dear friend Amanda a question:
"Have I ever been patient?"
"No," she laughed.
"I mean, have there been seasons in the eight years you've known me where I've been more patient? Or, less impatient?" I prodded, hoping the answer would be more favorable.
"You kind of just make things happen."
There is no sense in lying to Amanda or myself. I am impatient. In many ways, I have been rewarded for this impatience. Efficiency and productivity are idolized in our pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture. And I haven't had to pull myself very far up, even!
Raised in the comforts of middle-class America, I haven't had to wait for much. I have been blessed with employment more or less nonstop since I was 16 years old. I have been privileged to have a loving family who provided for every physical need my entire life. I am honored to have a diverse crew of friends, from many walks of life.
I don't have to wait for much.
Until now.
Living in Burkina Faso broke my patience meter. My attention span needed a converter more than my laptop needed one.
I have been back in the States for nearly two months now. Unemployed, but not unpaid. The free time should be a blessing, right?
I need to shift my paradigm. I need to stop worrying about the future and analyzing the past. I am rescued by a loving Savior, by a God with a beautifully simple but intricate plan.
In retreat, in rest, in solitude I am free to worship God in the present. Retreat and surrender don't have to be the same thing. So, as I withdraw into the mountains tomorrow I will find refuge in retreat. I won't just run away from my broken attitude. I'll bring it with me for the four hour solo car adventure. I will rest and wrestle with the pride in my heart until I apply God's peace over my entire situation.
I will surrender, but not in defeat to my "problems". No, instead I will surrender my selfishness and sin. I will carry them to the cross and leave them there.
This is the depth of the Savior's love. He whispers to us in retreat. He beckons us surrender. He loves us too much to leave us broken.
Praise God.
Monday, September 24, 2012
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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