Last night I went to Holy Hour at church with Stanley. In the middle of the service, there is an extended period of silent reflection.
What a beautiful manifestation of being still in God's holy presence.
In the 30 minutes of silence, I prayed with deeper intensity than I have since the decision to not return to Burkina. Like, suddenly the veil over my heart was thrown onto the ground. Again my heart was free. Again my eyes were freed to see visions from Heaven. Prayer last night was an application of citizenship. A beautiful, blessed season of worship. My tears were finally joyful again. The word "LOVE" echoed throughout my soul. "Your love, O Lord, is better than life."
Within the hour, my world started competing for supremacy again. Doubts creeping in to relationships. Fear replacing faith. Anxiety replacing peace. Earth replacing Heaven, at least for the night. So many tears of pain, sadness, and disappointment. This is what happens when we place the trust designed for God on His children, instead. Human shoulders were never meant to bear the salvation of anyone else.
So, recognizing my soul needed Heavenly peace, I fought for time alone with the Savior. Reading His word, praying, showing compassion. Tonight I went again to the church, overwhelmed by the peace that comes with prayer in true, undistracted silence.
What is it that makes prayer so different in a church? Or at the ocean? Or on a mountain.
Driving home tonight, the Holy Spirit again punched through the anxiety that clouds my mind these days:
"God is not silent. You are too loud."
I have run myself into the ground this Fall, trying to discern my purpose. I hate the uncertainty that has become my reality. I read. I write. I worry. I apply for jobs. I complain to God and anyone who will listen. I cry a lot. And in all of these actions, I am loud. My mind struggles often even to sleep.
"God is not silent."
Through all of this, God has never left. His word is eternal. That means He speaks even now. Please pray with me, to have the grace to become silent. Pray for me to have the humility to listen.
May Jesus Christ be praised.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Beautiful words, Laura. Truth. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post! We must keep our eyes on the eternal kingdom. I love your descriptions of peaceful silence. We all need this, at all times of life, b/c this fallen world is always uncertain.
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