This Mother's Day is complicated. My mother and her mother are still alive and well. My mother in law, too. I'm grateful for these women who shaped my life. They're a layer removed from the celebration, though.
It's not just the COVID-19 restrictions keeping us from a "normal" Mother's Day. There's a marked shift when a woman transitions from daughter to mother. We rode that wave two years ago, when our son was born ten days before Mother's Day. We celebrated by taking him to church for the first time, then packing up the brand new stroller for a walk along the Sound at Redondo Beach. Last year, we hosted both grandmothers at our temporary vacation rental with a spectacular view.
This year feels most different because of the people we've never met. We will get to video chat our mothers and grandmother, but we will never get to hold the baby who could have been here this week. It's an interesting irony to lose a baby in "loss awareness month" and observe a missed birthday the week of Mother's Day. Then, there's the tiny sibling growing inside me that we hope to see on Tuesday's ultrasound visit.
I've never felt so defined by motherhood as I did this week. I rejoiced with the baby I can hold in my arms, as he turned two in front of an audience of friends on Facebook. I continue to mourn the baby I hold in my heart, as the due date once circled on the calendar passed quietly. I cautiously hope that the baby growing inside me now is doing just that: growing. I talked to my own mother a lot this week. I leaned heavily on friends around the country, the county and the neighborhood. I feel the weight of mothering, and am grateful to have a husband who walks hard roads by my side. I am blessed by the support of the Church (in all it's messy manifestations) and Family (messier, still), by living my mothering identity loudly and honestly.
So, however this Mother's Day finds you, please rest in the love of a Good God. I plan to cry. I plan to laugh. I plan to unload the dishwasher. I plan to love and be loved.
Sunday, May 10, 2020
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Hi Sweetums, I put your blog back on my blog roll. I don't remember taking it off but I hate to miss a post.
ReplyDeleteLove your words and love YOU heaps upon heaps.