Grief is terrible and complicated, anyways. Waves of emotions tangle into every facet of life. Grieving in a time of national mourning, pain and unrest is even harder.
We lost a baby in October, so I thought I knew what to expect for my grief this time. But there's no predicting any return to "normal." I learned our baby would never be born in early May, and am recovering from surgery last Friday.
But my news seems trivial. There's a growing death toll from a virus that damages lungs and relationship. There's a national trauma being brought to light again in an endless stream of violent images, screaming a terrible legacy of hundreds of years. There's a dehumanization of God's children wearing black and brown skin. There's animosity attempting to wedge apart the Church at every level. There's a knowing concession that schools have been inequitable and will continue to be so, leaving out or leaving behind the very most vulnerable. Our country is burning.
And into this world of brokenness and pain, my latest baby will never get to live.
Is it cruel or compassionate? I struggle with the idea that it may be better for this little one who never got to be. Darkness creeps into my mind, exhausted with grief and isolation, whispering it would be better to have never been born myself. I see the grief poets of the Bible in new light: a longing for an end to individual, family and society's suffering. "When will it end?" "When will justice return?" "Do you see us, God?"
Thank you to the Family rallying around us in this season of hurt, even as many experience greater suffering. We are encouraged and strengthened by those who refuse to put mission on hold. We are comforted by the love of God, the love that values every life.
But we're weary, too. We've stared into death and claimed victory. We stand against injustice in our own hearts and in our community. We want to love well, even through tears and weakness. Because that's one promise we can cling to as everything feels upside down: in our weakness, Christ is strong.
So, please pray with us and for us. My heart is broken and unwilling to heal, yet. There's so much pain around us that it feels selfish to ask for so much help. But that's how any of this changes: working together in grace and truth to love the most vulnerable.
I've waited a week to share this, but I know I'm not alone. Evil tries to keep us separate, isolated and without support. But our strength is our unity in Christ. So, grieving mothers and all those alone... God is with us. It doesn't quell my sadness, but it gives me hope that things can be made right. I continue to believe that love changes the world.
Friday, June 5, 2020
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Thank you for sharing your voice. Love you all. Always here for you. Mom
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