Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Glimmer

 Our little family has been driving through neighborhoods most evenings to look at the sparkling, glimmering lights. Some homes have nativity scenes next to inflatable cartoon characters. Some have elaborate projections. Our Little Love doesn't care what the lights are, but announces "Lights" even for the smallest strand in a window or over a porch awning.

In the dark days of a dark year, I'm grateful for the glimmers. I'm grateful for the families able to plug in lights. It's like a proclamation against the night. We know Dawn is coming, no matter how cold it seems right now.

And it is dark and cold and lonely this week, as we continue social distancing from family and friends. Each day of Advent is a day closer to the due date promised in the Spring. The day we could have met our little Glimmer.

I was nervous about Advent this year. Nervous that a month of preparing to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior would be too full of painful reminders. I worried about sitting in a crowd of 2020 babies crying and cooing at church, with my own babies only held in my memories.

Yet, here we are. Church is smaller these days. We meet with four friends each Sunday, but our congregation has become the literal neighborhood, as my heart has always dreamed. We traveled around the city last Saturday, delivering Christmas ornaments and cards to people who have been dear to us in the journey this year. It was good to see faces, hear stories, or catch up afterwards. My mama soul was overwhelmed by the sheer number of babies born into our Church family. My grieving heart joins with multiple friends who are losing parents slowly, some newly gone. That's the power of Church, I think: Rejoice with those who rejoice! Mourn with those who mourn!

I called our Baby #3 Glimmer, thinking that hope would hold us through the pandemic. The story in December is not how I would have written it, ever. Hope, though, came through. The darkest moments continue preparing our hearts for Glory. Morning is coming. Love will win.

Our Advent traditions continue this year, reading the calendar I made last year standing midstream the darkness of grief. We're in Week 3: Redemption. Tonight, we read the story of God redeeming Israel as they walked through the parted Red Sea. I feel like Israel often: taken from terrible comfort and rescued into wilderness. I feel like Israel tonight: feet on dry ground with walls of the Sea to the left and the right. I pray that I can sing like Moses, sing like Miriam:

"The LORD is my strength and my defense, he has become my salvation.

He is my God, and I will praise Him,

My father's God and I will exalt Him." Exodus 15:2

I thought I would be 39 weeks pregnant today. Instead, I've suffered through three losses this year. I've stared the demon of suicide in the eyes and cried out for help. I'm learning the value of life, all life. I'm learning how to love those who look different, live differently and love differently than I do. I'm the rich young ruler, asking "And who is my neighbor?"

Losing our Baby Whisper taught me about grief and joy. Losing our Baby Glimmer taught me about hope. Losing our other two babies, so soon, so close, continues to be confusing and difficult. I'm learning that life and light are intertwined in the expression of Jesus. I'm learning the complexity of God's strength. I'm learning that hope is worth fighting for. I'm learning that Truth prevails.

May you find more than a glimmer of hope this Christmas.

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Ephesians 5

Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:

“Awake, O sleeper!

Rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you!”

Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

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