Scripture promises that Christ has won. But it also promises that we will fight. We'll need armor. We'll need support. We don't live in the realization of triumph, but the reality of battle. (Ephesians 6, where the story at the bottom of the page continues...)
I've been listening to the same song on repeat in my car today. A preview of the Easter music at newlife:
"This is my prayer in the battle, when triumph is still on it's way..."
I cling to this lyric today as I listen to teenagers explain their collapsing worlds. I know that triumph will arrive. But, I pray during the battle. These young men and women may have no idea how God is shaping them, but I know that He will triumph. His compassion runs deeper than mine ever can, for He made these children in His image. His love is Victory in itself, but He will bring Triumph.
I cling to this lyric today as students offer the privilege of their time. I feel hopeless, useless and tired. But God asks me to love His children. God asks me to experience His love. In the battle, He asks me to remember that He is triumphant. He's never weary. He never leaves. Battle takes time. Battle takes sweat and blood and tears. Battle takes a lot of tears.
Romans 8 claims that in Christ we are "more than conquerors." Christ is victory. This battle is worth every moment. Every wound helps our hearts know Christ. We are called to rejoice in His sufferings. What an honor! What a privilege!
When triumph seems to lag, I will pray. I will be still, even if it kills me. That's the beauty of battle.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
life plans
So, I am talking with Amanda(my heterosexual life partner) to figure out what we're going to do with the rest of our lives. The top contenders so far:
But plans are funny things. You never know where they'll end up. My plans from last year have taken on a life of their own. It feels like I'm living out dreams that I'd already surrendered, now suddenly resurrected.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
Maybe it's all a part of finding out what pleases the Lord, this plan-making and breaking. I continue to see God transform and redefine my plans for the glory of His purpose. Now, not to say that my plans nor my life are glorious. (It's a Saturday night and I'm blogging and eating toaster strudel, talking to a friend across the country...) But God's purpose prevails through our plans, maybe even because of our plans.
Something to think about...
- Ballet parking. Not valet parking, mind you. We have this idea to move cars to appropriate spaces via dance. Entrepreneurship at its finest.
- Something in Cleveland, OH. Mainly because it's not in Washington or Tennessee. Also, we feel that we could develop pretty sweet Midwestern accents. Plus, we'd be close to Cedarpoint-and who doesn't love a good rollercoaster!?!
- Stuff. Generic, but highly possible.
But plans are funny things. You never know where they'll end up. My plans from last year have taken on a life of their own. It feels like I'm living out dreams that I'd already surrendered, now suddenly resurrected.
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
Maybe it's all a part of finding out what pleases the Lord, this plan-making and breaking. I continue to see God transform and redefine my plans for the glory of His purpose. Now, not to say that my plans nor my life are glorious. (It's a Saturday night and I'm blogging and eating toaster strudel, talking to a friend across the country...) But God's purpose prevails through our plans, maybe even because of our plans.
Something to think about...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
mustard
Ever have one of those moments where you're overwhelmed with perspective?
Leaving my classroom this afternoon, I was blinded by sunshine. I watched my step as I closed the heavy red fire door behind me, carrying a storage crate full of papers to be graded. Cutting through the small lawn that connects my classroom door to the main path, I noticed some signs of spring time coming:
Little white mustard flowers line the sidewalks at school.
A few years ago, working as a molecular plant biology lab tech, I came to appreciate mustard plants, specifically Arabidopsis thaliana, the model organism of botany. Growing, harvesting, cloning, emasculating, extracting, and cloning mustard plants was the culmination of my Bachelor's degree. It was also the experience that God used to shape my passions. While lab work has not (and will never be) my delight, the experience taught me a lot about faith.
There's this verse in Matthew where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."(Matthew 17:20).
Looking up from the mustard flowers on the sidewalk to the Olympic mountains straight ahead, I felt the perspective of God's bigger plan. God didn't have to move the mountains- He just moved me. Four summers ago as an intern in Pullman, I thought that I would change the world through science. God hasn't removed the desire from my heart, just changed the venue.
Leaving my classroom this afternoon, I was blinded by sunshine. I watched my step as I closed the heavy red fire door behind me, carrying a storage crate full of papers to be graded. Cutting through the small lawn that connects my classroom door to the main path, I noticed some signs of spring time coming:
Little white mustard flowers line the sidewalks at school.
A few years ago, working as a molecular plant biology lab tech, I came to appreciate mustard plants, specifically Arabidopsis thaliana, the model organism of botany. Growing, harvesting, cloning, emasculating, extracting, and cloning mustard plants was the culmination of my Bachelor's degree. It was also the experience that God used to shape my passions. While lab work has not (and will never be) my delight, the experience taught me a lot about faith.
There's this verse in Matthew where Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."(Matthew 17:20).
Looking up from the mustard flowers on the sidewalk to the Olympic mountains straight ahead, I felt the perspective of God's bigger plan. God didn't have to move the mountains- He just moved me. Four summers ago as an intern in Pullman, I thought that I would change the world through science. God hasn't removed the desire from my heart, just changed the venue.
Monday, March 9, 2009
gift
Obviously, I like Ephesians 5. Since I was 17, this chapter has challenged me to higher ground. It is short and sweet; complicated and deep. It is theology made practical.
Tonight I was given the opportunity to introduce Ephesians 5 to our small group Bible study. God has used this specific chapter to grow my heart through various seasons of life, and I hope that my story can resonate with others.
Growing up in a God-loving family, I had little experience with darkness. I was aware of sin in the world. I was aware of selfishness within my heart. I knew that people hurt themselves and each other. But my frame of reference was sheltered, protected in love.
As I re-entered public school in high school, I began to encounter darkness. A youth leader challenged me to read the book of Ephesians every day. So, I did. Verse 10 captivated my heart, beginning a quest to "find out what pleases the Lord" that I expect will continue driving my passion until Heaven. I see now that light in the Lord is the only true weapon against the darkness.
When I began college at Washington State, my picture of the darkness deepened. I met people raped by sin. Women, trading their beauty for stupidity and violence. I was shocked that anyone could choose to live in darkness when light was so obvious to me. For the first time, I realized there was a visible difference of walking in the light, in the day, in the love of Christ. God burdened my heart for the women of my dorm, my neighbors, my friends.
Ephesians 5 continues to stalk my heart. This past spring, I memorized the second half of Ephesians 5 as part of pre-marital counseling homework. The verses painted a beautiful picture of marriage, but the pain of a broken engagement threatened my interpretation of the passage. Thankfully, my emotions do not determine the validity of Scripture.
I am constantly encouraged by Paul's revelation of marriage as a reflection of Christ and the Church. Praise Jesus for His selfless love, His washing grace, His tender mercies. We are Christ's beloved, His bride.
Praise God, who brings us together in Himself.
Tonight I was given the opportunity to introduce Ephesians 5 to our small group Bible study. God has used this specific chapter to grow my heart through various seasons of life, and I hope that my story can resonate with others.
Growing up in a God-loving family, I had little experience with darkness. I was aware of sin in the world. I was aware of selfishness within my heart. I knew that people hurt themselves and each other. But my frame of reference was sheltered, protected in love.
As I re-entered public school in high school, I began to encounter darkness. A youth leader challenged me to read the book of Ephesians every day. So, I did. Verse 10 captivated my heart, beginning a quest to "find out what pleases the Lord" that I expect will continue driving my passion until Heaven. I see now that light in the Lord is the only true weapon against the darkness.
When I began college at Washington State, my picture of the darkness deepened. I met people raped by sin. Women, trading their beauty for stupidity and violence. I was shocked that anyone could choose to live in darkness when light was so obvious to me. For the first time, I realized there was a visible difference of walking in the light, in the day, in the love of Christ. God burdened my heart for the women of my dorm, my neighbors, my friends.
Ephesians 5 continues to stalk my heart. This past spring, I memorized the second half of Ephesians 5 as part of pre-marital counseling homework. The verses painted a beautiful picture of marriage, but the pain of a broken engagement threatened my interpretation of the passage. Thankfully, my emotions do not determine the validity of Scripture.
I am constantly encouraged by Paul's revelation of marriage as a reflection of Christ and the Church. Praise Jesus for His selfless love, His washing grace, His tender mercies. We are Christ's beloved, His bride.
Praise God, who brings us together in Himself.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
the foot of the cross
Most nights, I bring a little bit of work home with me. My principal advised me to only take home what I can realistically accomplish. My rule: take what you can carry. My principal says that if you take more than you can actually do, you're carrying more than papers and tests. You physically carry your guilt.
Tonight I brought home a few notebooks and some quizzes about inhalants. They're all graded and done. I'll carry them back to the classroom tomorrow morning and probably never think about them again.
Life isn't always so clean.
This evening, waiting for the youth meeting to begin at Island Lake, I realized how much tension I was physically carrying in my shoulders. I felt compelled to prepare my heart for the night's gathering, knowing the topic would be "Worship God with your Heart." My heart needed to be right with my Maker. My devotion needed to be pure. My arms needed to be emptied, not carrying anything.
So, what do I do when I need to solve big problems in life? I stopped at Starbucks, then went for a walk in the woods. It helps me pray.
It's almost been a year since my heart was broken for the first time, and I'm still carrying around a lot of the pain. My body holds onto the burden, unsure when it will be safe to let go. It's almost like an addiction.
First, I checked out the conditions of the trails around Island Lake camp. In a few weeks I'll be helping with the junior high long distance track team and I'm getting desperate for good running trails near the school. I walked the trails for 20 minutes or so before even saying anything to God. I tried pretty hard to get lost in the woods. I was trying really hard to listen, but the only thing I heard was the skaters at the skate park.
Unfortunately, my trail opened into the road to the skate park. I knew where I needed to go next. I knew where I needed to worship.
November 2007, a dear friend showed me the pathway to the cross at Island Lake camp. You have to know where you're going to find it (or be lost behind the archery range, which consequently is a terrible place to be lost). I needed to sit at the foot of the cross tonight.
The foot of the cross is a phrase that I think has been cheapened by '90s Christian music. It's church jargon that people say without really thinking about sometimes. But tonight, sitting on a rock-laying my hands on the foot of the wooden cross in the forest, I surrendered the pain I'd been carrying around each day for the last year.
No amount of crying will heal my heart. No counselor can restore my joy. No medication can improve my contentment. I can't make things better--but Jesus already has. It's how we let go. Every day.
During the message tonight at the youth gathering, the pastor read Psalm 46:10. It's the verse that stalks my life:
"Be still and know that I am God."
It's not trite. It's true.
Tonight I brought home a few notebooks and some quizzes about inhalants. They're all graded and done. I'll carry them back to the classroom tomorrow morning and probably never think about them again.
Life isn't always so clean.
This evening, waiting for the youth meeting to begin at Island Lake, I realized how much tension I was physically carrying in my shoulders. I felt compelled to prepare my heart for the night's gathering, knowing the topic would be "Worship God with your Heart." My heart needed to be right with my Maker. My devotion needed to be pure. My arms needed to be emptied, not carrying anything.
So, what do I do when I need to solve big problems in life? I stopped at Starbucks, then went for a walk in the woods. It helps me pray.
It's almost been a year since my heart was broken for the first time, and I'm still carrying around a lot of the pain. My body holds onto the burden, unsure when it will be safe to let go. It's almost like an addiction.
First, I checked out the conditions of the trails around Island Lake camp. In a few weeks I'll be helping with the junior high long distance track team and I'm getting desperate for good running trails near the school. I walked the trails for 20 minutes or so before even saying anything to God. I tried pretty hard to get lost in the woods. I was trying really hard to listen, but the only thing I heard was the skaters at the skate park.
Unfortunately, my trail opened into the road to the skate park. I knew where I needed to go next. I knew where I needed to worship.
November 2007, a dear friend showed me the pathway to the cross at Island Lake camp. You have to know where you're going to find it (or be lost behind the archery range, which consequently is a terrible place to be lost). I needed to sit at the foot of the cross tonight.
The foot of the cross is a phrase that I think has been cheapened by '90s Christian music. It's church jargon that people say without really thinking about sometimes. But tonight, sitting on a rock-laying my hands on the foot of the wooden cross in the forest, I surrendered the pain I'd been carrying around each day for the last year.
No amount of crying will heal my heart. No counselor can restore my joy. No medication can improve my contentment. I can't make things better--but Jesus already has. It's how we let go. Every day.
During the message tonight at the youth gathering, the pastor read Psalm 46:10. It's the verse that stalks my life:
"Be still and know that I am God."
It's not trite. It's true.
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Ephesians 5
Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live in love, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But among you there must not be either sexual immorality, impurity of any kind, or greed, as these are not fitting for the saints. Neither should there be vulgar speech, foolish talk, or coarse jesting – all of which are out of character – but rather thanksgiving. For you can be confident of this one thing: that no person who is immoral, impure, or greedy (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Let nobody deceive you with empty words, for because of these things God’s wrath comes on the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them, for you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light – for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth – and find out what pleases the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For the things they do in secret are shameful even to mention. But all things being exposed by the light are made evident. For everything made evident is light, and for this reason it says:
“Awake, O sleeper!
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you!”
Therefore be very careful how you live – not as unwise but as wise, taking advantage of every opportunity, because the days are evil. For this reason do not be foolish, but be wise by understanding what the Lord’s will is. And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.