reflecting on 2012

I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. -Psalm 119:14

This year was full of risks for me. Financial, vocational, relational, etc. I only like calculated risks, but this year held significantly more adventure.

Now, I stare down 2013 without plans.

In 2012, I took a leave from my stable job because I felt God's Spirit moving. In 2012, I said "yes" to a confident man who introduced me to new ways of worshipping our big God. In 2012, I traded regular paychecks for relationships in many cultures. In 2012, I had to learn how to slow down.

In 2013, I hope that I can rejoice in following God's statutes.

I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands. - Psalm 119:176

In 2012, I learned the importance of forgiveness. God pours out His grace. This has been a beautiful year, and I am excited to see what is coming next.

7 months of lessons

Dating Stanley taught me a lot about love, sacrifice, and life. I learned that risk-taking is inherent to faith, or maybe vice versa. I learned that the Church is both eternal and timeless. I learned that God's grace cannot be earned and God's love cannot be quantified. I learned that I can prepare tasty, balanced meals every day with the time and opportunity. I learned that worry accomplishes nothing good.

I saw a lot of things differently because of our relationship, too. I saw my own human proclivity and capacity for sin. (Humbling and terrifying at the same time). I saw the unrelenting passion of infatuation and the quiet patience of love. I saw how vulnerable love can be when sin is allowed a foothold. I saw how powerful love can be when Christ is awarded full attention.

Walking out of these last few months, I recognize that neither of us are the same people we were. For better and worse, we shaped each others' character. I am grateful for this season of learning how to love. He continually challenged me to surrender my plans to God, as God is the one who makes anything happen.

So, thanks Stanley.

We had a good run.

Christmas is here!

Peace on Earth!

God became man. Heaven intersected Earth. Hope became a person. Love cried.

This is the beautifully complicated reality of Christmas.

write something

Those who know me (and love me) often give the same advice when I need something to do: write something. So, here it is. Here is my something:

For Christmas this year I am staying at a friend's house so that she and her family can visit their relatives in California. (I'm still close enough to Seabeck to celebrate with my own family.) This also entails a lot of time with an emotionally needy dog.

As Advent draws to a close, though, I continue to be confronted by my own selfishness. I see the magnitude of my own emotional needs in better perspective this month: by yet another separation from my boyfriend, a week learning how two-year-olds proccess life, and now with the care and keeping of aforementioned dog. Today, at Mass, I was further made aware of how lightly I carry the reality of God's Spirit dwelling within me. As Christians, we carry Christ to the world. Our lives (imperfect as they are) reflect the only Hope our world has.

Recognizing my selfishness is only a step in the solution.

Praise God that the end of Advent is the arrival of Christ. A beautiful reminder of new life beginning. Hope! Hope! Christ is our hope!

Christmas is celebration of life. Forever life. A beautiful gift given to humankind.

Life with God is the opposite of sin. As vessels of God's Spirit, we are filled with grace. We are filled with hope. This is why Christmas is such a big deal.

Those who love me know that I write for a very specific audience. I write to persuade myself what I know to be true. I hope that you are also blessed this Christmas, for Truth only comes from God.

complexity

I was driving to workout at the YMCA this morning when it hit me: "Africa doesn't need me."
In some ways, I feel like the continent of Africa broke up with me this year. Between an actual trip to Burkina Faso, a planned trip to Burkina Faso, a thought of living in Sierra Leone, and finally year-long orders for my beloved, it seems like Africa just likes me for my stuff. All of my skills (unique as they are) already exist throughout the continent. Africa got what it needed from me.

As I continue to be offended by one-way relationships, my relationship with God is called into question. Am I expecting Him to do everything for me? Somehow, my pity party has excused me from worshipping the giver of Life. Now wait, that doesn't make sense.

Each of these issues are more complex than I make it out to be. Some nights, I have to sit down and sort out thoughts. Maybe one day I will come to enjoy "resting" again. But tonight, I will wrestle with the complexity (which, probably isn't that complicated in reality.) It's a tottering sort of night.

The bow of the mighty has been broken but those who were tottering are now braced with strength.-- 1 Sam 2:4

sleeping

I'm spending the week in Livingston, Montana with my friends Kristen and Dan. Today they both were scheduled to work, so I offered to stay home with their young daughter instead of sending her to daycare. We've had a fun day playing cars, riding bikes, and pretending to be princesses.

After lunch today, while the princess was taking a nap, I checked the news on my computer. As the story continues to unfold in Connecticut, I keep praying for God's peace to spread through our country and our world. So much violence lately. And then, to hear how young the victims were. And then to hear the awful story coming out of China, too.

I walked in to check on the sleeping little one. She was resting so peacefully. I am so grateful she is safe, and grateful that her parents will be able to hold her tonight when they come home from work.

It doesn't seem fair.

Sin only brings destruction. Sin only brings death. There is no other alternative.

So, while I hope that good comes from this tragedy, we have to recognize that sin brings consequences. As those loved by Jesus, our mission is to share that change is possible. In this season of Advent, let's remember (and SHARE) that Jesus brings hope.

Everyone could use hope tonight.

shame

The more I learn about God, the more I love Him. The more I learn about sin, the more I hate it.

God hates sin.

God loves us. Sin separates us from His love. So, even though God loves us, God cannot tolerate sin. That's the point of Christmas, why Jesus had to come.

Lately, I have been acutely aware of my sin. What happens in the darkness on earth is always exposed by the Light of Heaven. Even if we can pretend it never happened, the perfect God is aware of our active rebellion.

The consequences of sin are death. (Romans 6:23)

That's why grace is so powerful. Grace is stronger than even death. Jesus' sacrifice restores us into right relationship with himself. I believe that with all of my heart, but when sin clouds my judgment it's hard to remember.

Sin causes shame.

Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed until sin came along. The Light of Christ reveals the destruction of sin. Shame is the way sin is brought to our attention. Shame is not the place we should stay.

Instead, those who claim Christ's name are called to confess and repent. We're called into the glorious light, clothed in the righteousness of Christ Himself.

Why do we consistently choose sin, then?

Why are we content to wallow in our shame?

Lord, have mercy on us.

fragile

Our family has a lot of Christmas traditions: things we do every year, things we do most years, things we do some years, and things we never do. For example, we always read the Christmas story on Christmas morning, but we never have fruitcake. One of our sometimes traditions is watching the movie "The Christmas Story."

On Christmas day, TNT shows "The Christmas Story" for 24 hours. The years we celebrated Christmas at my grandparents' house in Mukilteo, you could be sure to find TNT playing on at least one TV throughout the day. Choruses of "You'll shoot your eye out" echoed through the halls amidst the mess of relatives.

All this talk of tradition leads to the point of fragility.

In "The Christmas Story" on TNT, the hideous leg lamp is marked "FRAGILE." (To which the father in the movie proclaims, "Fra-gee-lay. It's Italian!" In a more serious way, the real Christmas story builds on the theme of fragility.

Luke chapter 2 details God's descent into humanity, becoming man in the frailest form possible. A newborn in a livestock stall. Completely dependent on other humans for survival. That's the anthem of Christmas: "God became fragile."

My personal Christmas tradition is to recognize the frailty of my own existence. Maybe it's the short, dark days. Maybe it's the constant reminders of God's love during the blessed season of Advent. Maybe it's the two weeks of scheduled rest that accompany my habit of always being in school. Maybe it's the security of coming home to Seabeck every year. Whatever the reason, Christmas always finds me fragile.

But that's how we always are, if we search our souls. We are fragile. Sin tries to destroy our lives every day. We are tempted, we are attacked, we are broken. We choose to ignore God, or worse, to reject Him. We can't save ourselves.

God knows that.

That's why He became fragile.

In this time of Advent, I look forward to the celebration of Christmas. Every year, we celebrate and remember that Jesus came to Earth for our rescue. Every day, we can live in that reality: the reality of Heaven come to Earth.

And more than knowing how the Christmas story ends, we know how the Easter story ends, too. The fragile baby born in a barn lives in such a way to secure the salvation of the world. He sacrifices Himself for our consequences. He beats death forever. There is nothing fragile about resurrection.

Reading ahead to the end of the story (think: Revelations and Daniel), Jesus returns to a fragile Earth in an epic showcase of power.

God, give me grace to recognize how fragile I am, but remind me always that you have defeated death.
In Jesus' powerful name, Amen.

Christmas letter 2012

Dear Friends and Family:

I pray this Christmas finds you well. I love Advent season, the anticipation for Christ's return. May God bless you this Advent season with a bigger picture of Himself.

This letter was intended to go with a photo Christmas card, so message me on facebook if you'd like me to mail a copy to your house! Here's a year in review for those out of the loop...

 Winter: Drove to Mt. Rainier to find some snow. Drove to Snoqualmie Pass to find some snow. Then, spent four days snow-bound in my own home! Drank a lot of coffee, read my Bible, and wrote a letter requesting a year leave of absence for the 2012-13 school year. Also, I spent many hours writing papers for the National Board of Professional Teaching Candidacy process. (Spoiler alert: I passed!)

Spring: Spent my 26^th birthday rock-climbing with friends at Frenchman’s Coulee. Then, planned a few fundraisers for Walk in the Light International (WITLI). Generous donations from friends and family led to the construction of three houses for teachers in Burkina Faso, and a minivan for Burkinabe staff to safely transport people and resources. The other big story of the Spring was the handsome stranger who asked me out at my favorite coffee shop. Stanley and I started dating over the Memorial Day weekend, just before life got really crazy…

Summer: Finished my fourth year teaching science at Ridgetop Jr High and got on a plane for Burkina Faso five days later. Unfortunately, the connecting flight from Brussels to Ouagadougou was delayed for a day, hence the tourist pictures in Belgium. (This is where I lost my cell phone and your number.) July 2, 2012 I arrived in Burkina Faso with a team of five other Americans. We partnered with WITLI staff Gerard and Viviane Ouedraogo (bottom right corner) to update sponsorship information for children attending the WITLI school. I worked with local farmers to assess current soil moisture levels and analyze existing agricultural techniques. At the end of July, I spent a week living in the remote village of Riahlo with Gerard’s extended family. Their faith in God is inspiring, as they trust that He will provide in every circumstance. I came back to the states in August, greeted at the airport by my family, friend Megan, and my very patient boyfriend. The rest of the summer included adventures with my family, visits to Stanley’s family, and education/agriculture trainings in WA and FL.

Fall: I had planned to return to Burkina Faso in September, but turns out my anti-malarial meds made me crazy. So, instead I stayed in Kitsap county. My gracious parents are letting me stay at their home while I figure out life. After an action-packed start to the year, the last two months have been a drastic change. I am learning to appreciate rest and using this time to learn about the Church and what it means to truly be a citizen of Heaven. In September, I felt God telling me that the season at newlife (my church for the last four years) was ending. Now, I am transitioning to worship God in the broader context of the Church by exploring the doctrine of the Catholic church. This final season of 2012 has been a rollercoaster ride, but God is always, always faithful.

Thanks for your prayers and support,
Laura