last day

It's more than the last day of February (short little month, after all). Today is the last day of a job that taught me humility. Today is the last day of the job that allowed me to read so many beautiful books. Today is my last day of drinking discounted coffee.

Today is the last day of work for an important public figure, too. Regardless of our beliefs about how to worship God on a Sunday, we should all pray for the direction and leadership of our Catholic brothers and sisters.

Today is another beginning. Today is an opportunity to see unity in the Church.

Grateful for every day.

confidence

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."-- Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm planning to spend my birthday in France. Waiting on an e-mail back from the Taize monastery in Southern France before I book my tickets!

Last time I tried traveling by myself worked out alright. Now, I am considerably more "ok" with being alone. I have so much more confidence, again, knowing that Christ has forgiven me today and always.

Oh, let the adventure come. I am ready!

Ephesians 3:11-12

bicycles and grammar

My passions often change but seldom waver. To create and extend a metaphor, I am a fixed gear bike while most of my friends are mountain bikes (and consequently, mountain bikers). In many ways, I still operate life with pedal backwards brakes. Sometimes I fly over the handle bars. Luckily, I have an awesome pit crew that intercedes through the wreckage.

Last night was a pedal-backwards moment.

I had been operating on the words of a simple vision, presumably from God. I was deeply convinced that I needed to prescribe to formal religion in order to rightly worship Jesus Christ. Intertwined in this vision was the confidence to marry a particular man. After the aforementioned young man broke up with me and moved on (as mountain bikes are adept at any terrain) I continued pedaling through life. Religion and earthly relationship merged inseparably.

Well-meaning family and friends stepped in to point out how I was hurting myself in this process. Yet, I remained convinced and pedaling. My choices were "all" or "nothing", and I didn't like the sound of nothing. I was too proud to admit my reality, too blind to see my deception.

Whether it was the sum total of sound advice, or the prayers of the faithful, or the very interception of the Holy Spirit of God; finally, last night, I stopped. 

I realized that the single vision I clung to came at a moment reeking with the garbage-scent of sin and death. Satan himself appears as an angel of light, after all. I saw with new eyes how God never abandons His beloved. I saw the hope of His best plans for those He loves. Nowhere did I see requirements to earn His favor.

In this new Light, I even see how God could restore fellowship with those I left and with those who left me. I am no longer convinced that God desires me to marry the particular man from the vision, rather that God desires me to love Him with entirety. And with renewed clarity comes renewed passion.

For all of my life I can remember, I desire unity within the Church. Roman Catholic traditions have taught me to revere the God who made us, knows us, loves us. Evangelical Christian saints have shown me how to love God in attitude and actions. Believers of Christ in developing nations have challenged me to follow Christ regardless of danger to self or family.

The last few months, I have been investigating membership in the Catholic church, but I see my capitols were backwards. That's where my theology boils down to a point of English grammar:

I belong to the catholic Church. 

Scriptures describe a single Church. Christ pursues His Bride in beautiful, holy monogamy. The word "catholic" means "universal". The single Church spends eternity with Christ.

Learning Roman Catholic traditions strengthened my respect and appreciation for the Church. Recognizing and making real the promise of life forever with Christ, I am strengthened and encouraged by the saints of every age. Together, we comprise the Bride. Together, we worship God forever. Together, we make His name great.

To those of you planning to come on Palm Sunday in support of my reception to the Roman Catholic church, thank you for loving me as a sister in Christ. But, go ahead and clear your schedules and worship our Lord whatever ways He makes Himself known to You.

I no longer feel compelled to become "Catholic" as I come to understand my propensities to the fixed-gear lifestyle.

Please pray for unity within the Bride of Christ. Please pray for the realization of the catholic Church, whether we get to taste it this side of death or not. Because, regardles of my own personal encounter with death, I rest assured knowing the Church will prevail forever.

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it." Matthew 16:18

quote on the wall

"Humility always radiates the greatness and glory of God. Through humility we grow in love. Humility is the beginning of sanctity."- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Each morning, these words focus my day.

I used to be a quick study. Now, I'm not so sure.

I have much to learn.

on location

It's birthday day. Today is the triple birthday for my dear friends Amanda, Nicole and Matt. Let's just say we're all in our late twenties now (it seems older, but I realize we all have a LOT of growing up to do yet.) This year, I'm celebrating in Santa Clarita with Amanda.

This morning, I wrote Amanda a birthday note with a quote from St. Francis de Sales:

"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life with fear. 

Rather, look to them with full confidence that, as they arise, 

God to whom you belong will in His love enable you to profit by them. 

He has guided you thus far in life. 

Do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all trials. 

Whenever you cannot stand, He will carry you lovingly in His arms."

On feast days like birthdays to re-focus our concept of time and purpose. I'm at a stage of life where I need to re-focus everyday. Maybe, in fact, it's more than a stage but the development of a habit. Maybe this season is preparing me for a reality of worship in each day, each moment...

After a quiet, peaceful morning, we are getting ready to travel into the big city and embrace the adventure that life offers. Albeit kicking and screaming, I'm learning the peace of preparing for each day in quiet, reverent prayer. My life is slow, but it doesn't have to be boring. My future is entirely unclear, but it doesn't have to be scary.

Sunny California mornings help with this perspective, I think. (And I've heard Colorado mornings have much the same effect.)

A final thought from the book of Hebrews:

"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14

Oh, I need to live this!