"to love"

Here's  a solid paragraph of a quote from C.S. Lewis:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entaglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it wil change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers... of love is Hell." (The Four Loves)


I'm reading the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge. The authors talk a lot about the strength of man and the beauty of woman. But love is transcendent. It's not a man thing or a woman thing. It's not even a human thing.

Rather, love is a God thing. And it's strong. And it's beautiful.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an antoning sacrifice for our sins. -- 1John 4:10

where I'm from

I've added 2000 miles to my car over the last week.

Had a great trip visiting my best friend from high school and her growing family.

Kristen and Clara in their happy home!

Dan getting Clara ready for a hike

Rock climbing with Kristen, before we hit the tree!

Dan's "Dream House" looking over the Absaroka Mountains

Turning around to head "home" after such a sweet trip was hard. I love friends, and mountains, and sunshine! Kristen warned me, though, that I need to visit in the winter in order to get a true taste of Montana life!

A few miles outside of Butte, MT, I yelled out to God, "I want to be from Montana." Without missing a beat, He replied, "But I've made you to be from Heaven."

Hmm.

Why should I strive to be from Montana when my true citizenship is Heavenly?

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Philippians 3:20 NIV

What a beautiful trip.

war & rumors of war

Just watched this news clip: President Obama's speech about withdrawing troops from Afghanistan

Jesus even promised that there would always be wars and rumors of wars. But, oh, I'm looking forward to the day we get to glory our Savior in Peace.

There's just some verses in the Bible that I don't even know what to do with. Like, "The LORD is a man of war; the LORD is his name." Exodus 15:3

Or when Jesus tells the church, "Therefore, repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth." Revelation 2:16

When are we done with the war part of this world? When do we get to the good part? The peace part? Come soon, dear Savior, to end the WAR once and for all.

8 rules

I've been talking with a lot of friends lately about this journal entry from last week. Very late Saturday night (actually Sunday morning) I wrote down some expectations for future relationships. Some are more serious than others.

Ultimately, I've been challenged by Proverbs 20:6 that says, "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" It's a verse about Jesus. It's a warning against placing your trust in any person (man or woman, really). To me, it's an anthem about our faithful Savior.

I'd rather invest ALL of my time and energy on the mission in this season of life. It sets a precedent for any man who decides to pursue my heart. There are great reasons to stay single and great reasons to pursue marriage in the Bible (think, 1 Cor 7 in particular).

For now, my role is to follow the Holy Spirit as He points to my Groom. I love that the Church is called Christ's Bride. In fact, I love all of Ephesians 5.

So, here are the "8 rules of dating Laura":
1) Actively pursue God's will in your life. If I'm not His will for you, don't waste our time. The harvest is ready and the workers are few. We both need to be harvest workers.
2) Read your Bible every single day. Don't call or text me unless you've already read it!
3) Please don't say "I love you" until you swear you will never take it back. Love is a commitment, a choice. Love is significantly and intentionally more than a "feeling." I don't mind waiting until the day you slip a wedding band on my finger to hear you say "I love you." It's THAT big of a deal.
4) Treat my body the same way you would want another man to treat your wife. I am not your wife yet.
5) You must see me cry before you ask me out on any one-on-one type date. All of my past relationships have ended because of the amount and frequency that I cry.
6) Spend a whole day with my family before you ask me out. They are really weird. But, I am very much like them. And, I plan to spend a lot of time with them in the future. If you are the right man to pursue me, they will love you no matter what, especially my mom.
7) Actively pursue me with affirming words. I would love to talk with you (if even for 5 minutes) every day that is possible.
8) Directly communicate your needs, desires, hopes, and fears. It's okay to filter your ideas, but please be direct.

For the time being, these rules are a little too much on the "truth" side than the "grace" side. After all, they are rules.

But, I think God can use these rules to continue growing and protecting my heart. Now, to accept His grace!

daughter

I searched blueletterbible.org tonight for some good verses in the Bible about daughters. There aren't many. Instead, there are a lot of genealogical descriptors and curses.

But, I did find this one:
Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem!
Zeph 3:14 NLT

Well, this one too:
And he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over."
Mark 5:34 NLT

Otherwise, the Bible doesn't say too much about daughters. Just that they are. Just that they sin. Just that they need to be protected. Just that they need to be healed.

I didn't have to read the Bible to know that daughters could be broken.

confetti

A couple of years ago, my friend Kyle and I were driving from Pullman, WA to Moscow, ID. We were probably sophomores in college. Thinking we were deep and wise. Thinking we had the world figured out. And maybe we did.

I remember the conversation about plans for our lives. My world was in the process of being rocked. I remember saying, "it's like God takes our plans and tears them up. Turns them into confetti for His joy and glory."

This is a confetti week. Haha, really. In face of trials, there's joy!

Turns out, I'm not moving for six more weeks. But... all of my belongings are packed up already since I'm really productive when I get upset. Turns out, I will have plenty of weekends for adventure this summer. Turns out, I will be able to serve wholeheartedly as a youth pastor this year.

Oh wait, that's me making plans again!!!

God, come tear my plans to pieces. Make joyous confetti of my story. You've written a celebration. Help me walk in the parade of Your will. Mmmmm.

almost six years ago

This time next week (Lord willing) I'll be all moved in to my new home. But, who knows if that will really happen. According to the same calendar, I was going to visit my boyfriend's family in the Midwest two weeks from now. That's not going to happen, since we broke up yesterday.

But, just in case I actually do move next week, I started cleaning and preparing for the move.

I found a journal from freshman year in college. Almost six years ago I wrote the phrase: "It's hard to depend, to surrender control and trust someone else." 7-10-05

Sometimes I wonder if I've really changed that much in six years. But, this side of 19 years old, I can look back on numerous instances of God proving His faithfulness. I see the benefits of surrendering control. I see the beauty of agreeing with and submitting to His plan.

Even more so, I am glad that I have been able to trust my heart to other people. Hiking today with a good friend also working through a recent breakup, I see the value of vulnerability. Sure, I wish my heart didn't have to get dragged around in broken relationships. However, I see new maturity in my own life that I would have never known existed until it was tested.

Praise God for His faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning.

The very next day in my journal, I wrote out Romans 15:13:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."


Then, "I still have so much breaking left. God, I'm not totally submitted yet. I'm clinging to my goals and dreams. I am not surrendered yet. Crap. This is going to be tough until I let you love me."

It's ironic that nearly six years later I could pray the same prayer. The dreams are the same: live in Africa as a professional missionary, serve with a loving husband, and raise a family that fears God. None of the dreams are evil in intent. But God's plan is bigger.

Again, God asks me to enjoy Him in Kitsap county. Again, God offers abundance and overflow as I trust Him. Again, He promises to fill me with peace, with joy, with hope, and with power.

What a beautiful reminder of the mission He has in mind.

While I'm sad to lose Ben's companionship, I'm excited for the adventure God has in store for each of us. Apparently, we're called to follow Him in different directions. Sometimes even break ups can bring God glory.

I can't wait to see how God reveals His glory this summer. I am anxious for the revival of 2011-2012. Kitsap will be shaken to its core because our God is a God who prevails.

And I really hope I continue to grow in trusting God for the next six years.

relentless pursuit

Christ relentlessly pursues the Church.

And the bride is enamored with her Savior groom:

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." -Song of Songs 8:6 & 7.


This is the love the Savior intends. Love that doesn't leave. Love that doesn't change its mind. Love that pursues relentlessly.

Savior, I am here.

This love cannot be quenched. This love prevails. This love is the greatest.