I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. -Psalm 119:14
This year was full of risks for me. Financial, vocational, relational, etc. I only like calculated risks, but this year held significantly more adventure.
Now, I stare down 2013 without plans.
In 2012, I took a leave from my stable job because I felt God's Spirit moving. In 2012, I said "yes" to a confident man who introduced me to new ways of worshipping our big God. In 2012, I traded regular paychecks for relationships in many cultures. In 2012, I had to learn how to slow down.
In 2013, I hope that I can rejoice in following God's statutes.
I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands. - Psalm 119:176
In 2012, I learned the importance of forgiveness. God pours out His grace. This has been a beautiful year, and I am excited to see what is coming next.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
7 months of lessons
Dating Stanley taught me a lot about love, sacrifice, and life. I learned that risk-taking is inherent to faith, or maybe vice versa. I learned that the Church is both eternal and timeless. I learned that God's grace cannot be earned and God's love cannot be quantified. I learned that I can prepare tasty, balanced meals every day with the time and opportunity. I learned that worry accomplishes nothing good.
I saw a lot of things differently because of our relationship, too. I saw my own human proclivity and capacity for sin. (Humbling and terrifying at the same time). I saw the unrelenting passion of infatuation and the quiet patience of love. I saw how vulnerable love can be when sin is allowed a foothold. I saw how powerful love can be when Christ is awarded full attention.
Walking out of these last few months, I recognize that neither of us are the same people we were. For better and worse, we shaped each others' character. I am grateful for this season of learning how to love. He continually challenged me to surrender my plans to God, as God is the one who makes anything happen.
So, thanks Stanley.
We had a good run.
I saw a lot of things differently because of our relationship, too. I saw my own human proclivity and capacity for sin. (Humbling and terrifying at the same time). I saw the unrelenting passion of infatuation and the quiet patience of love. I saw how vulnerable love can be when sin is allowed a foothold. I saw how powerful love can be when Christ is awarded full attention.
Walking out of these last few months, I recognize that neither of us are the same people we were. For better and worse, we shaped each others' character. I am grateful for this season of learning how to love. He continually challenged me to surrender my plans to God, as God is the one who makes anything happen.
So, thanks Stanley.
We had a good run.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Christmas is here!
Peace on Earth!
God became man. Heaven intersected Earth. Hope became a person. Love cried.
This is the beautifully complicated reality of Christmas.
God became man. Heaven intersected Earth. Hope became a person. Love cried.
This is the beautifully complicated reality of Christmas.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
write something
Those who know me (and love me) often give the same advice when I need something to do: write something. So, here it is. Here is my something:
For Christmas this year I am staying at a friend's house so that she and her family can visit their relatives in California. (I'm still close enough to Seabeck to celebrate with my own family.) This also entails a lot of time with an emotionally needy dog.
As Advent draws to a close, though, I continue to be confronted by my own selfishness. I see the magnitude of my own emotional needs in better perspective this month: by yet another separation from my boyfriend, a week learning how two-year-olds proccess life, and now with the care and keeping of aforementioned dog. Today, at Mass, I was further made aware of how lightly I carry the reality of God's Spirit dwelling within me. As Christians, we carry Christ to the world. Our lives (imperfect as they are) reflect the only Hope our world has.
Recognizing my selfishness is only a step in the solution.
Praise God that the end of Advent is the arrival of Christ. A beautiful reminder of new life beginning. Hope! Hope! Christ is our hope!
Christmas is celebration of life. Forever life. A beautiful gift given to humankind.
Life with God is the opposite of sin. As vessels of God's Spirit, we are filled with grace. We are filled with hope. This is why Christmas is such a big deal.
Those who love me know that I write for a very specific audience. I write to persuade myself what I know to be true. I hope that you are also blessed this Christmas, for Truth only comes from God.
For Christmas this year I am staying at a friend's house so that she and her family can visit their relatives in California. (I'm still close enough to Seabeck to celebrate with my own family.) This also entails a lot of time with an emotionally needy dog.
As Advent draws to a close, though, I continue to be confronted by my own selfishness. I see the magnitude of my own emotional needs in better perspective this month: by yet another separation from my boyfriend, a week learning how two-year-olds proccess life, and now with the care and keeping of aforementioned dog. Today, at Mass, I was further made aware of how lightly I carry the reality of God's Spirit dwelling within me. As Christians, we carry Christ to the world. Our lives (imperfect as they are) reflect the only Hope our world has.
Recognizing my selfishness is only a step in the solution.
Praise God that the end of Advent is the arrival of Christ. A beautiful reminder of new life beginning. Hope! Hope! Christ is our hope!
Christmas is celebration of life. Forever life. A beautiful gift given to humankind.
Life with God is the opposite of sin. As vessels of God's Spirit, we are filled with grace. We are filled with hope. This is why Christmas is such a big deal.
Those who love me know that I write for a very specific audience. I write to persuade myself what I know to be true. I hope that you are also blessed this Christmas, for Truth only comes from God.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
complexity
I was driving to workout at the YMCA this morning when it hit me: "Africa doesn't need me."
In some ways, I feel like the continent of Africa broke up with me this year. Between an actual trip to Burkina Faso, a planned trip to Burkina Faso, a thought of living in Sierra Leone, and finally year-long orders for my beloved, it seems like Africa just likes me for my stuff. All of my skills (unique as they are) already exist throughout the continent. Africa got what it needed from me.
As I continue to be offended by one-way relationships, my relationship with God is called into question. Am I expecting Him to do everything for me? Somehow, my pity party has excused me from worshipping the giver of Life. Now wait, that doesn't make sense.
Each of these issues are more complex than I make it out to be. Some nights, I have to sit down and sort out thoughts. Maybe one day I will come to enjoy "resting" again. But tonight, I will wrestle with the complexity (which, probably isn't that complicated in reality.) It's a tottering sort of night.
The bow of the mighty has been broken but those who were tottering are now braced with strength.-- 1 Sam 2:4
Friday, December 14, 2012
sleeping
I'm spending the week in Livingston, Montana with my friends Kristen and Dan. Today they both were scheduled to work, so I offered to stay home with their young daughter instead of sending her to daycare. We've had a fun day playing cars, riding bikes, and pretending to be princesses.
After lunch today, while the princess was taking a nap, I checked the news on my computer. As the story continues to unfold in Connecticut, I keep praying for God's peace to spread through our country and our world. So much violence lately. And then, to hear how young the victims were. And then to hear the awful story coming out of China, too.
I walked in to check on the sleeping little one. She was resting so peacefully. I am so grateful she is safe, and grateful that her parents will be able to hold her tonight when they come home from work.
It doesn't seem fair.
Sin only brings destruction. Sin only brings death. There is no other alternative.
So, while I hope that good comes from this tragedy, we have to recognize that sin brings consequences. As those loved by Jesus, our mission is to share that change is possible. In this season of Advent, let's remember (and SHARE) that Jesus brings hope.
Everyone could use hope tonight.
After lunch today, while the princess was taking a nap, I checked the news on my computer. As the story continues to unfold in Connecticut, I keep praying for God's peace to spread through our country and our world. So much violence lately. And then, to hear how young the victims were. And then to hear the awful story coming out of China, too.
I walked in to check on the sleeping little one. She was resting so peacefully. I am so grateful she is safe, and grateful that her parents will be able to hold her tonight when they come home from work.
It doesn't seem fair.
Sin only brings destruction. Sin only brings death. There is no other alternative.
So, while I hope that good comes from this tragedy, we have to recognize that sin brings consequences. As those loved by Jesus, our mission is to share that change is possible. In this season of Advent, let's remember (and SHARE) that Jesus brings hope.
Everyone could use hope tonight.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
shame
The more I learn about God, the more I love Him. The more I learn about sin, the more I hate it.
God hates sin.
God loves us. Sin separates us from His love. So, even though God loves us, God cannot tolerate sin. That's the point of Christmas, why Jesus had to come.
Lately, I have been acutely aware of my sin. What happens in the darkness on earth is always exposed by the Light of Heaven. Even if we can pretend it never happened, the perfect God is aware of our active rebellion.
The consequences of sin are death. (Romans 6:23)
That's why grace is so powerful. Grace is stronger than even death. Jesus' sacrifice restores us into right relationship with himself. I believe that with all of my heart, but when sin clouds my judgment it's hard to remember.
Sin causes shame.
Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed until sin came along. The Light of Christ reveals the destruction of sin. Shame is the way sin is brought to our attention. Shame is not the place we should stay.
Instead, those who claim Christ's name are called to confess and repent. We're called into the glorious light, clothed in the righteousness of Christ Himself.
Why do we consistently choose sin, then?
Why are we content to wallow in our shame?
Lord, have mercy on us.
God hates sin.
God loves us. Sin separates us from His love. So, even though God loves us, God cannot tolerate sin. That's the point of Christmas, why Jesus had to come.
Lately, I have been acutely aware of my sin. What happens in the darkness on earth is always exposed by the Light of Heaven. Even if we can pretend it never happened, the perfect God is aware of our active rebellion.
The consequences of sin are death. (Romans 6:23)
That's why grace is so powerful. Grace is stronger than even death. Jesus' sacrifice restores us into right relationship with himself. I believe that with all of my heart, but when sin clouds my judgment it's hard to remember.
Sin causes shame.
Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed until sin came along. The Light of Christ reveals the destruction of sin. Shame is the way sin is brought to our attention. Shame is not the place we should stay.
Instead, those who claim Christ's name are called to confess and repent. We're called into the glorious light, clothed in the righteousness of Christ Himself.
Why do we consistently choose sin, then?
Why are we content to wallow in our shame?
Lord, have mercy on us.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
fragile
Our family has a lot of Christmas traditions: things we do every year, things we do most years, things we do some years, and things we never do. For example, we always read the Christmas story on Christmas morning, but we never have fruitcake. One of our sometimes traditions is watching the movie "The Christmas Story."
On Christmas day, TNT shows "The Christmas Story" for 24 hours. The years we celebrated Christmas at my grandparents' house in Mukilteo, you could be sure to find TNT playing on at least one TV throughout the day. Choruses of "You'll shoot your eye out" echoed through the halls amidst the mess of relatives.
All this talk of tradition leads to the point of fragility.
In "The Christmas Story" on TNT, the hideous leg lamp is marked "FRAGILE." (To which the father in the movie proclaims, "Fra-gee-lay. It's Italian!" In a more serious way, the real Christmas story builds on the theme of fragility.
Luke chapter 2 details God's descent into humanity, becoming man in the frailest form possible. A newborn in a livestock stall. Completely dependent on other humans for survival. That's the anthem of Christmas: "God became fragile."
My personal Christmas tradition is to recognize the frailty of my own existence. Maybe it's the short, dark days. Maybe it's the constant reminders of God's love during the blessed season of Advent. Maybe it's the two weeks of scheduled rest that accompany my habit of always being in school. Maybe it's the security of coming home to Seabeck every year. Whatever the reason, Christmas always finds me fragile.
But that's how we always are, if we search our souls. We are fragile. Sin tries to destroy our lives every day. We are tempted, we are attacked, we are broken. We choose to ignore God, or worse, to reject Him. We can't save ourselves.
God knows that.
That's why He became fragile.
In this time of Advent, I look forward to the celebration of Christmas. Every year, we celebrate and remember that Jesus came to Earth for our rescue. Every day, we can live in that reality: the reality of Heaven come to Earth.
And more than knowing how the Christmas story ends, we know how the Easter story ends, too. The fragile baby born in a barn lives in such a way to secure the salvation of the world. He sacrifices Himself for our consequences. He beats death forever. There is nothing fragile about resurrection.
Reading ahead to the end of the story (think: Revelations and Daniel), Jesus returns to a fragile Earth in an epic showcase of power.
God, give me grace to recognize how fragile I am, but remind me always that you have defeated death.
In Jesus' powerful name, Amen.
On Christmas day, TNT shows "The Christmas Story" for 24 hours. The years we celebrated Christmas at my grandparents' house in Mukilteo, you could be sure to find TNT playing on at least one TV throughout the day. Choruses of "You'll shoot your eye out" echoed through the halls amidst the mess of relatives.
All this talk of tradition leads to the point of fragility.
In "The Christmas Story" on TNT, the hideous leg lamp is marked "FRAGILE." (To which the father in the movie proclaims, "Fra-gee-lay. It's Italian!" In a more serious way, the real Christmas story builds on the theme of fragility.
Luke chapter 2 details God's descent into humanity, becoming man in the frailest form possible. A newborn in a livestock stall. Completely dependent on other humans for survival. That's the anthem of Christmas: "God became fragile."
My personal Christmas tradition is to recognize the frailty of my own existence. Maybe it's the short, dark days. Maybe it's the constant reminders of God's love during the blessed season of Advent. Maybe it's the two weeks of scheduled rest that accompany my habit of always being in school. Maybe it's the security of coming home to Seabeck every year. Whatever the reason, Christmas always finds me fragile.
But that's how we always are, if we search our souls. We are fragile. Sin tries to destroy our lives every day. We are tempted, we are attacked, we are broken. We choose to ignore God, or worse, to reject Him. We can't save ourselves.
God knows that.
That's why He became fragile.
In this time of Advent, I look forward to the celebration of Christmas. Every year, we celebrate and remember that Jesus came to Earth for our rescue. Every day, we can live in that reality: the reality of Heaven come to Earth.
And more than knowing how the Christmas story ends, we know how the Easter story ends, too. The fragile baby born in a barn lives in such a way to secure the salvation of the world. He sacrifices Himself for our consequences. He beats death forever. There is nothing fragile about resurrection.
Reading ahead to the end of the story (think: Revelations and Daniel), Jesus returns to a fragile Earth in an epic showcase of power.
God, give me grace to recognize how fragile I am, but remind me always that you have defeated death.
In Jesus' powerful name, Amen.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Christmas letter 2012
Dear Friends and Family:
I pray this Christmas finds you well. I love Advent season, the anticipation for Christ's return. May God bless you this Advent season with a bigger picture of Himself.
Winter: Drove to Mt. Rainier to
find some snow. Drove to Snoqualmie Pass to find some snow. Then, spent four
days snow-bound in my own home! Drank a lot of coffee, read my Bible, and
wrote a letter requesting a year leave of absence for the 2012-13 school year.
Also, I spent many hours writing papers for the National Board of Professional
Teaching Candidacy process. (Spoiler alert: I passed!)
Spring:
Spent my 26th birthday rock-climbing with friends at Frenchman’s
Coulee. Then, planned a few fundraisers for Walk in the Light International
(WITLI). Generous donations from friends and family led to the construction of
three houses for teachers in Burkina Faso, and a minivan for Burkinabe staff
to safely transport people and resources. The other big story of the Spring
was the handsome stranger who asked me out at my favorite coffee shop. Stanley
and I started dating over the Memorial Day weekend, just before life got
really crazy…
Summer:
Finished my fourth year teaching science at Ridgetop Jr High and got on a
plane for Burkina Faso five days later. Unfortunately, the connecting flight
from Brussels to Ouagadougou was delayed for a day, hence the tourist pictures
in Belgium. (This is where I lost my cell phone and your number.) July 2, 2012
I arrived in Burkina Faso with a team of five other Americans. We partnered
with WITLI staff Gerard and Viviane Ouedraogo (bottom right corner) to update
sponsorship information for children attending the WITLI school. I worked with
local farmers to assess current soil moisture levels and analyze existing
agricultural techniques. At the end of July, I spent a week living in the
remote village of Riahlo with Gerard’s extended family. Their faith in God is
inspiring, as they trust that He will provide in every circumstance. I came
back to the states in August, greeted at the airport by my family, friend
Megan, and my very patient boyfriend. The rest of the summer included
adventures with my family, visits to Stanley’s family, and
education/agriculture trainings in WA and FL.
Fall: I
had planned to return to Burkina Faso in September, but turns out my
anti-malarial meds made me crazy. So, instead I stayed in Kitsap county. My
gracious parents are letting me stay at their home while I figure out life.
After an action-packed start to the year, the last two months have been a
drastic change. I am learning to appreciate rest and using this time to learn
about the Church and what it means to truly be a citizen of Heaven. In September, I felt God telling me that the season at newlife (my church for the last four years) was ending. Now, I am transitioning to worship God in the broader context of the Church by exploring the doctrine of the Catholic church. This final season of 2012 has been a rollercoaster ride, but God is
always, always faithful.
Thanks for your prayers and support,
Laura
Laura
Thursday, November 29, 2012
too loud
Last night I went to Holy Hour at church with Stanley. In the middle of the service, there is an extended period of silent reflection.
What a beautiful manifestation of being still in God's holy presence.
In the 30 minutes of silence, I prayed with deeper intensity than I have since the decision to not return to Burkina. Like, suddenly the veil over my heart was thrown onto the ground. Again my heart was free. Again my eyes were freed to see visions from Heaven. Prayer last night was an application of citizenship. A beautiful, blessed season of worship. My tears were finally joyful again. The word "LOVE" echoed throughout my soul. "Your love, O Lord, is better than life."
Within the hour, my world started competing for supremacy again. Doubts creeping in to relationships. Fear replacing faith. Anxiety replacing peace. Earth replacing Heaven, at least for the night. So many tears of pain, sadness, and disappointment. This is what happens when we place the trust designed for God on His children, instead. Human shoulders were never meant to bear the salvation of anyone else.
So, recognizing my soul needed Heavenly peace, I fought for time alone with the Savior. Reading His word, praying, showing compassion. Tonight I went again to the church, overwhelmed by the peace that comes with prayer in true, undistracted silence.
What is it that makes prayer so different in a church? Or at the ocean? Or on a mountain.
Driving home tonight, the Holy Spirit again punched through the anxiety that clouds my mind these days:
"God is not silent. You are too loud."
I have run myself into the ground this Fall, trying to discern my purpose. I hate the uncertainty that has become my reality. I read. I write. I worry. I apply for jobs. I complain to God and anyone who will listen. I cry a lot. And in all of these actions, I am loud. My mind struggles often even to sleep.
"God is not silent."
Through all of this, God has never left. His word is eternal. That means He speaks even now. Please pray with me, to have the grace to become silent. Pray for me to have the humility to listen.
May Jesus Christ be praised.
What a beautiful manifestation of being still in God's holy presence.
In the 30 minutes of silence, I prayed with deeper intensity than I have since the decision to not return to Burkina. Like, suddenly the veil over my heart was thrown onto the ground. Again my heart was free. Again my eyes were freed to see visions from Heaven. Prayer last night was an application of citizenship. A beautiful, blessed season of worship. My tears were finally joyful again. The word "LOVE" echoed throughout my soul. "Your love, O Lord, is better than life."
Within the hour, my world started competing for supremacy again. Doubts creeping in to relationships. Fear replacing faith. Anxiety replacing peace. Earth replacing Heaven, at least for the night. So many tears of pain, sadness, and disappointment. This is what happens when we place the trust designed for God on His children, instead. Human shoulders were never meant to bear the salvation of anyone else.
So, recognizing my soul needed Heavenly peace, I fought for time alone with the Savior. Reading His word, praying, showing compassion. Tonight I went again to the church, overwhelmed by the peace that comes with prayer in true, undistracted silence.
What is it that makes prayer so different in a church? Or at the ocean? Or on a mountain.
Driving home tonight, the Holy Spirit again punched through the anxiety that clouds my mind these days:
"God is not silent. You are too loud."
I have run myself into the ground this Fall, trying to discern my purpose. I hate the uncertainty that has become my reality. I read. I write. I worry. I apply for jobs. I complain to God and anyone who will listen. I cry a lot. And in all of these actions, I am loud. My mind struggles often even to sleep.
"God is not silent."
Through all of this, God has never left. His word is eternal. That means He speaks even now. Please pray with me, to have the grace to become silent. Pray for me to have the humility to listen.
May Jesus Christ be praised.
Friday, November 9, 2012
patiently
I
do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty,
to
carry within oneself the unanswered question,
lifting
the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts.
--Elizabeth Elliot--
Friday, November 2, 2012
returning
Once upon a time, I had tickets to return from Burkina Faso today.
Now, I'm trying to figure out if I should use the same tickets to spend Spring semester teaching science in Sierra Leone. Oh, please pray for the faith needed to really trust our Savior. In the long run, six months is entirely inconsequential. But, today especially, the decision seems enormous.
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things.
Isaiah 45:7
It's a good thing our God is omniscient. I recognize just how limited I am.
Praise our awesome God, who always allows us to return to His grace. What a beautiful privilege.
Now, I'm trying to figure out if I should use the same tickets to spend Spring semester teaching science in Sierra Leone. Oh, please pray for the faith needed to really trust our Savior. In the long run, six months is entirely inconsequential. But, today especially, the decision seems enormous.
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things.
Isaiah 45:7
It's a good thing our God is omniscient. I recognize just how limited I am.
Praise our awesome God, who always allows us to return to His grace. What a beautiful privilege.
Monday, October 29, 2012
twentynine
A fool gives full vent to his spirit,
but a wise man quietly holds back." Proverbs 29:11
Perhaps it is for the best to filter my ideas before sharing them. Sure, there is wisdom in the counsel of many. However, not everyone needs the novel-length version of my life story.
This month, I have learned a lot about what and how much is appropriate to share in various contexts. I hope to always grow in wisdom.
Just finished Voyage to Venus, by C.S. Lewis. I feel "older" this month. A lot has happened. I am learning to quietly hold back.
but a wise man quietly holds back." Proverbs 29:11
Perhaps it is for the best to filter my ideas before sharing them. Sure, there is wisdom in the counsel of many. However, not everyone needs the novel-length version of my life story.
This month, I have learned a lot about what and how much is appropriate to share in various contexts. I hope to always grow in wisdom.
Just finished Voyage to Venus, by C.S. Lewis. I feel "older" this month. A lot has happened. I am learning to quietly hold back.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
lately
The Earth is the Lord's and EVERYTHING in it -Psalm 24:1
Life is avalanche-ing towards normal: Restorative conversations. Daily, gainful employment. An address. Loving family. Compassionate boyfriend.
Somehow, there is confidence this will all iron itself out.
Consequently, I've used many pages of my journal for single page discourses on the nature of life.
Lately, I am learning to appreciate that EVERYTHING belongs to the Lord. ALL of it is under His sovereignty. Praise our great God.
Life is avalanche-ing towards normal: Restorative conversations. Daily, gainful employment. An address. Loving family. Compassionate boyfriend.
Somehow, there is confidence this will all iron itself out.
Consequently, I've used many pages of my journal for single page discourses on the nature of life.
Lately, I am learning to appreciate that EVERYTHING belongs to the Lord. ALL of it is under His sovereignty. Praise our great God.
Monday, October 1, 2012
it begins anew
A new month.
A new role.
A new home?
October is here, finally. It's time to establish a new type of normal. New routines. The ground is still shifting, but not as severely. My footing is starting to feel...more firm?
I've been reading Voyage to Venus per my friend Cassia's suggestion. Life this last month has felt like life on Perelandra, where the islands are dynamic. Change. Constant change.
Now, I'm grappling the paradox of "trying to rest." This has been a challenging, terrifying lesson.
As a citizen of Heaven, how does one establish roots in a land that's not your home?
Roots are more than a relationship. Roots are more than a family identity. Roots are more than an address. More than an occupation.
It's time to live like I'm staying here. Kitsap is home again, for better or for worse.
In all you do, work with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for man.
Lord, am I working for you with my whole heart?
There's still enough anxiety that makes me feel like I could trust You better.
Quiet the storms inside. Allow me to float with the changing waves, instead of fighting them. Help me enjoy this invigorating season of adventure.
Praise our good God.
A new role.
A new home?
October is here, finally. It's time to establish a new type of normal. New routines. The ground is still shifting, but not as severely. My footing is starting to feel...more firm?
I've been reading Voyage to Venus per my friend Cassia's suggestion. Life this last month has felt like life on Perelandra, where the islands are dynamic. Change. Constant change.
Now, I'm grappling the paradox of "trying to rest." This has been a challenging, terrifying lesson.
As a citizen of Heaven, how does one establish roots in a land that's not your home?
Roots are more than a relationship. Roots are more than a family identity. Roots are more than an address. More than an occupation.
It's time to live like I'm staying here. Kitsap is home again, for better or for worse.
In all you do, work with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for man.
Lord, am I working for you with my whole heart?
There's still enough anxiety that makes me feel like I could trust You better.
Quiet the storms inside. Allow me to float with the changing waves, instead of fighting them. Help me enjoy this invigorating season of adventure.
Praise our good God.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
wake me up
What a month.
God is always faithful, even if I am usually impatient. This month has been no different. The month began with best friend moving and boyfriend leaving to California. Then, the month transitioned into medical side-effect crazy. The school year began, but I don't have a contract this year, so I don't have a classroom or students. I still don't have an address (except for using my parents' as a permanent address) and my personal "belongings" are spread out amongst four houses in Kitsap county and one house in West Africa. I'm not in Burkina Faso. It seems everyone I know is in some semblance of transition. Finally, the last week of the month I took a vacation with dear friend Kristen, to celebrate the fact that I can substitute teach in my own district.
What could possibly stay the same?
Jesus Christ.
In this season of ridiculous transition, my hope is Jesus Christ. The same. Today, yesterday, forever.
In this crazy month, my comfort comes from God's word and from God's people. I continue learning more about the rich traditions of the Church. I continue being challenged by mission-minded friends who see how the Gospel is living and active, responsive to every moment of society. I find strength in the wholeness of the Church-- not just a particular fellowship, but as the very Bride of the Savior.
In college, I listened to the band Green Day a lot. (In particular the two songs where they didn't cuss all the time.) The song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" is woven into other seasons of life, too.
Sophomore year, September had a lot of stress related to finding my fit in college ministry. Grad school year, my fiance and I chose this song as "our song"--which is kind of terrible if you think about it, since it's a really depressing song that didn't have too much to do with the circumstances of our relationship. Then, my first year of teaching, I held onto an unhealthy prediction that my ex-fiance and I would get back together in October.
I don't think I've listened to or thought of the song since.
But today, on September 30, 2012, I have a lot of hope.
September is over.
God has been faithful, just like He always is.
Stanley arrived safely home last night, after a 19 hour motorcycle trip from his training in LA. Amanda is settling in to her new job and new town. Kristen's husband is back from his sailing adventure, so they are returning to Montana. I have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in each night, by the gracious hospitality of my parents. School in Riahlo will start tomorrow morning, even if I am not there. I have a packet of paperwork to mail off tomorrow, so my entire ticket price can be refunded. And, God has blessed me with an interim job as a substitute teacher.
It's fitting that today is Sabbath. God tried to convince me to rest all month long. Only now can I finally rest in Him.
Please pray for friends and family in similar transition. Especially, pray for my cousin Jenny and her newborn daughter needing healing. The good news is, we are loved by an incredibly faithful God.
And now, September is over.
God is always faithful, even if I am usually impatient. This month has been no different. The month began with best friend moving and boyfriend leaving to California. Then, the month transitioned into medical side-effect crazy. The school year began, but I don't have a contract this year, so I don't have a classroom or students. I still don't have an address (except for using my parents' as a permanent address) and my personal "belongings" are spread out amongst four houses in Kitsap county and one house in West Africa. I'm not in Burkina Faso. It seems everyone I know is in some semblance of transition. Finally, the last week of the month I took a vacation with dear friend Kristen, to celebrate the fact that I can substitute teach in my own district.
What could possibly stay the same?
Jesus Christ.
In this season of ridiculous transition, my hope is Jesus Christ. The same. Today, yesterday, forever.
In this crazy month, my comfort comes from God's word and from God's people. I continue learning more about the rich traditions of the Church. I continue being challenged by mission-minded friends who see how the Gospel is living and active, responsive to every moment of society. I find strength in the wholeness of the Church-- not just a particular fellowship, but as the very Bride of the Savior.
In college, I listened to the band Green Day a lot. (In particular the two songs where they didn't cuss all the time.) The song "Wake Me Up When September Ends" is woven into other seasons of life, too.
Sophomore year, September had a lot of stress related to finding my fit in college ministry. Grad school year, my fiance and I chose this song as "our song"--which is kind of terrible if you think about it, since it's a really depressing song that didn't have too much to do with the circumstances of our relationship. Then, my first year of teaching, I held onto an unhealthy prediction that my ex-fiance and I would get back together in October.
I don't think I've listened to or thought of the song since.
But today, on September 30, 2012, I have a lot of hope.
September is over.
God has been faithful, just like He always is.
Stanley arrived safely home last night, after a 19 hour motorcycle trip from his training in LA. Amanda is settling in to her new job and new town. Kristen's husband is back from his sailing adventure, so they are returning to Montana. I have a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in each night, by the gracious hospitality of my parents. School in Riahlo will start tomorrow morning, even if I am not there. I have a packet of paperwork to mail off tomorrow, so my entire ticket price can be refunded. And, God has blessed me with an interim job as a substitute teacher.
It's fitting that today is Sabbath. God tried to convince me to rest all month long. Only now can I finally rest in Him.
Please pray for friends and family in similar transition. Especially, pray for my cousin Jenny and her newborn daughter needing healing. The good news is, we are loved by an incredibly faithful God.
And now, September is over.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
first world problems
The Seahawks won on Monday. I don't have TV, so I didn't watch the game. Apparently there was a questionable, ambiguous call at the end. Somewhere between an interception and a touchdown. Then, the game ended.
Then, the replacement referees were the brunt of many jokes.
Then, the professional referee strike ended, because the NFL offered to meet the professional referee demands.
Seriously, America?
THIS is the breaking news story on CNN?
There are many reasons I am grateful to live in America: for example, I have the freedom to write this blog entry. I am grateful for the opportunities to worship God freely, to sleep without fear of government overthrow, to be able to run outside whenever I feel like it.
I am grateful for our freedoms. I realize the sacrifices many brave people have made to defend my freedom. But, to what extent does freedom reach? Do we NEED the freedom of well-mediated professional sport events?
So many other things happened today. But, the TV running in the coffee shop (where I'm exercising my first-world, American right to free wi-fi) is obsessed about Obama's slam on Romney's character. Isn't that what politicians do with a month left before an election?
Again I saw under the sun that the race is not won by the swift, nor the battle by the valiant, nor a livelihood by the wise, nor riches by the shrewd, nor favor by the experts; for a time of misfortune comes to all alike. Human beings no more know their own time than fish taken in the fatal net or birds trapped in the snare; like these, mortals are caught when an evil time suddenly falls upon them. -Ecclesiastes 9:11-12
The rich are wise in their own eyes, but the poor who are intelligent see through them. -Proverbs 28:11
Maybe this NFL referee strike shouldn't bother me so much. But, it does.
To me, this is the clearest example of a "first-world problem" I can imagine. Demanding the expulsion of corruption... for a sport. Pouring millions of dollars of investment into entertainment.
I am proud to be an American, but not because the strike is over.
I am first and foremost a citizen of Heaven. I highly doubt that American football will be refereed in Heaven. Consequently, I will continue to invest my resources elsewhere than NFL game tickets.
For instance, I will pay $2 for a cup of drip coffee. As an American. To ensure my right to "free" wi-fi. Hope my sarcasm is clear enough.
Hope our nation gets over itself, just like the referees finally did.
Then, the replacement referees were the brunt of many jokes.
Then, the professional referee strike ended, because the NFL offered to meet the professional referee demands.
Seriously, America?
THIS is the breaking news story on CNN?
There are many reasons I am grateful to live in America: for example, I have the freedom to write this blog entry. I am grateful for the opportunities to worship God freely, to sleep without fear of government overthrow, to be able to run outside whenever I feel like it.
I am grateful for our freedoms. I realize the sacrifices many brave people have made to defend my freedom. But, to what extent does freedom reach? Do we NEED the freedom of well-mediated professional sport events?
So many other things happened today. But, the TV running in the coffee shop (where I'm exercising my first-world, American right to free wi-fi) is obsessed about Obama's slam on Romney's character. Isn't that what politicians do with a month left before an election?
Again I saw under the sun that the race is not won by the swift, nor the battle by the valiant, nor a livelihood by the wise, nor riches by the shrewd, nor favor by the experts; for a time of misfortune comes to all alike. Human beings no more know their own time than fish taken in the fatal net or birds trapped in the snare; like these, mortals are caught when an evil time suddenly falls upon them. -Ecclesiastes 9:11-12
The rich are wise in their own eyes, but the poor who are intelligent see through them. -Proverbs 28:11
Maybe this NFL referee strike shouldn't bother me so much. But, it does.
To me, this is the clearest example of a "first-world problem" I can imagine. Demanding the expulsion of corruption... for a sport. Pouring millions of dollars of investment into entertainment.
I am proud to be an American, but not because the strike is over.
I am first and foremost a citizen of Heaven. I highly doubt that American football will be refereed in Heaven. Consequently, I will continue to invest my resources elsewhere than NFL game tickets.
For instance, I will pay $2 for a cup of drip coffee. As an American. To ensure my right to "free" wi-fi. Hope my sarcasm is clear enough.
Hope our nation gets over itself, just like the referees finally did.
Monday, September 24, 2012
retreat is not surrender
The other day (yesterday, actually) I asked my dear friend Amanda a question:
"Have I ever been patient?"
"No," she laughed.
"I mean, have there been seasons in the eight years you've known me where I've been more patient? Or, less impatient?" I prodded, hoping the answer would be more favorable.
"You kind of just make things happen."
There is no sense in lying to Amanda or myself. I am impatient. In many ways, I have been rewarded for this impatience. Efficiency and productivity are idolized in our pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture. And I haven't had to pull myself very far up, even!
Raised in the comforts of middle-class America, I haven't had to wait for much. I have been blessed with employment more or less nonstop since I was 16 years old. I have been privileged to have a loving family who provided for every physical need my entire life. I am honored to have a diverse crew of friends, from many walks of life.
I don't have to wait for much.
Until now.
Living in Burkina Faso broke my patience meter. My attention span needed a converter more than my laptop needed one.
I have been back in the States for nearly two months now. Unemployed, but not unpaid. The free time should be a blessing, right?
I need to shift my paradigm. I need to stop worrying about the future and analyzing the past. I am rescued by a loving Savior, by a God with a beautifully simple but intricate plan.
In retreat, in rest, in solitude I am free to worship God in the present. Retreat and surrender don't have to be the same thing. So, as I withdraw into the mountains tomorrow I will find refuge in retreat. I won't just run away from my broken attitude. I'll bring it with me for the four hour solo car adventure. I will rest and wrestle with the pride in my heart until I apply God's peace over my entire situation.
I will surrender, but not in defeat to my "problems". No, instead I will surrender my selfishness and sin. I will carry them to the cross and leave them there.
This is the depth of the Savior's love. He whispers to us in retreat. He beckons us surrender. He loves us too much to leave us broken.
Praise God.
"Have I ever been patient?"
"No," she laughed.
"I mean, have there been seasons in the eight years you've known me where I've been more patient? Or, less impatient?" I prodded, hoping the answer would be more favorable.
"You kind of just make things happen."
There is no sense in lying to Amanda or myself. I am impatient. In many ways, I have been rewarded for this impatience. Efficiency and productivity are idolized in our pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps culture. And I haven't had to pull myself very far up, even!
Raised in the comforts of middle-class America, I haven't had to wait for much. I have been blessed with employment more or less nonstop since I was 16 years old. I have been privileged to have a loving family who provided for every physical need my entire life. I am honored to have a diverse crew of friends, from many walks of life.
I don't have to wait for much.
Until now.
Living in Burkina Faso broke my patience meter. My attention span needed a converter more than my laptop needed one.
I have been back in the States for nearly two months now. Unemployed, but not unpaid. The free time should be a blessing, right?
I need to shift my paradigm. I need to stop worrying about the future and analyzing the past. I am rescued by a loving Savior, by a God with a beautifully simple but intricate plan.
In retreat, in rest, in solitude I am free to worship God in the present. Retreat and surrender don't have to be the same thing. So, as I withdraw into the mountains tomorrow I will find refuge in retreat. I won't just run away from my broken attitude. I'll bring it with me for the four hour solo car adventure. I will rest and wrestle with the pride in my heart until I apply God's peace over my entire situation.
I will surrender, but not in defeat to my "problems". No, instead I will surrender my selfishness and sin. I will carry them to the cross and leave them there.
This is the depth of the Savior's love. He whispers to us in retreat. He beckons us surrender. He loves us too much to leave us broken.
Praise God.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
new journal
A new season calls for a new journal. Yes, it is almost fall (though the Northwest weather hasn't got the memo yet and no one is complaining). In life, however, this new season is the "not returning to Africa" season. I'm not sure what to make of it just yet...
Since I anticipate a lot of processing, I made a new journal. First, I went to Staples to buy one of the repurposed sugar cane comp books that I use for my classroom science notebook in other years. Then, I walked to the Jo-Ann fabrics next door to stock up on glue dots.
I went to Stanley's house to make a gluten-free lunch (per a friend's suggestion for mood stabilization) and spread out my crafting supplies across his living room. I figured the journal-making would be a mutually beneficial tool, as whatever I write in my journal will be filtered before I say it to him...
I created a few different themes: outdoor adventure, colorful pictures of other countries, black and white contrast, and calming words. What finally caught my attention was a confusingly profound verse in Isaiah:
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things
Isaiah 45:7
That verse anchors the cover of my new journal. A black and white paisley 5x5 connects the front to the back. On the back, a postcard of Allied troops storming the beaches of Normandy and a scrapbook paper license plate that reads: "in a state of shock."
I'm gearing up for a season of confusingly profound emotion. So far, I've applied for two preschool teacher positions, a newspaper editor, a private school activities coordinator, a juvenile detention officer, and a wilderness leadership program coordinator. I am concerned that I will have well too much time on my hands.
Yes, yes. I recall:
Be still
and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10
That is precisely why I need a new journal for this season.
I need space to write how I am trusting Him.
Since I anticipate a lot of processing, I made a new journal. First, I went to Staples to buy one of the repurposed sugar cane comp books that I use for my classroom science notebook in other years. Then, I walked to the Jo-Ann fabrics next door to stock up on glue dots.
I went to Stanley's house to make a gluten-free lunch (per a friend's suggestion for mood stabilization) and spread out my crafting supplies across his living room. I figured the journal-making would be a mutually beneficial tool, as whatever I write in my journal will be filtered before I say it to him...
I created a few different themes: outdoor adventure, colorful pictures of other countries, black and white contrast, and calming words. What finally caught my attention was a confusingly profound verse in Isaiah:
I form light and create darkness,
I make well-being and create calamity,
I am the LORD, who does all these things
Isaiah 45:7
That verse anchors the cover of my new journal. A black and white paisley 5x5 connects the front to the back. On the back, a postcard of Allied troops storming the beaches of Normandy and a scrapbook paper license plate that reads: "in a state of shock."
I'm gearing up for a season of confusingly profound emotion. So far, I've applied for two preschool teacher positions, a newspaper editor, a private school activities coordinator, a juvenile detention officer, and a wilderness leadership program coordinator. I am concerned that I will have well too much time on my hands.
Yes, yes. I recall:
Be still
and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10
That is precisely why I need a new journal for this season.
I need space to write how I am trusting Him.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
the big reveal
"he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in darkness, and the light dwells with Him." Daniel 2:22
I am learning that our decisions do not define our character, rather reveal it. Please pray for peace and wisdom. God is faithful and I know He always provides for His beloved.
I rejoice with the joy that comes in the morning.
I am learning that our decisions do not define our character, rather reveal it. Please pray for peace and wisdom. God is faithful and I know He always provides for His beloved.
I rejoice with the joy that comes in the morning.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
getting healthy
My plane tickets are ready. In forty-eight hours, I should be at the airport.
But today, my body is asking to stay in bed. So, I'm trying to. Stay in bed, that is.
Oh, please pray that my body cooperates. Pray that my soul is at rest. Pray for peace and healing.
Thank you dear ones.
But today, my body is asking to stay in bed. So, I'm trying to. Stay in bed, that is.
Oh, please pray that my body cooperates. Pray that my soul is at rest. Pray for peace and healing.
Thank you dear ones.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
psalm 909
My spirit is fighting darkness
Claiming the victory of the Cross and the Crown.
I am crafted for freedom,
made to proclaim Truth from the highest mountains.
Sing, let me sing, let my soul sing.
I was designed to worship the King.
With every breath, death defeated.
With every tear, battles won.
I am the Bride of the Champion,
regaling His victory,
healing the world,
making His name great.
Good news! Good news!
Jesus purchased us with blood,
life cannot remain the same.
What hope! What peace!
We are transformed.
We are rescued, redeemed.
This is our anthem of triumph.
Praise our good and loving King.
Claiming the victory of the Cross and the Crown.
I am crafted for freedom,
made to proclaim Truth from the highest mountains.
Sing, let me sing, let my soul sing.
I was designed to worship the King.
With every breath, death defeated.
With every tear, battles won.
I am the Bride of the Champion,
regaling His victory,
healing the world,
making His name great.
Good news! Good news!
Jesus purchased us with blood,
life cannot remain the same.
What hope! What peace!
We are transformed.
We are rescued, redeemed.
This is our anthem of triumph.
Praise our good and loving King.
Friday, September 7, 2012
the paradox of emotion
I experience life all too fully at the moment.
It is like seeing every facet of life for the very first time. Without a routine, there is no framework on which to hang the unexpected. Every emotion hits like a storm surge.
This evening, I watched someone on a standing paddleboard practice yoga in the middle of a lake. That seems a fitting metaphor of my current situation. Exhilirating. Taxing. Full.
Someday I will look longingly on this season. Now, my soul struggles to rest.
In the storm surge, however, I am deeply anchored. I may be tugged away in many directions, but ultimately I will not succumb to the storm.
My anchor holds.
It is like seeing every facet of life for the very first time. Without a routine, there is no framework on which to hang the unexpected. Every emotion hits like a storm surge.
This evening, I watched someone on a standing paddleboard practice yoga in the middle of a lake. That seems a fitting metaphor of my current situation. Exhilirating. Taxing. Full.
Someday I will look longingly on this season. Now, my soul struggles to rest.
In the storm surge, however, I am deeply anchored. I may be tugged away in many directions, but ultimately I will not succumb to the storm.
My anchor holds.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
a prayer of perspective
Lord Jesus Christ,
I approach your banquet table in fear and trembling,
for I am a sinner,
and dare not rely on my own worth,
but only on your goodness and mercy.
I am defiled by many sins in body and soul,
and by my unguarded thoughts and words.
Gracious God of majesty and awe,
I seek your protection,
I look for your healing.
Poor troubled sinner that I am,
I appeal to you, the fountain of all mercy.
I cannot bear your judgment,
but I trust in your salvation.
Lord, I show my wounds to you and uncover my shame before you.
I know my sins are many and great,
and they fill me with fear,
but I hope in your mercies,
for they cannot be numbered.
Lord Jesus Christ, eternal king, God and man,
crucified for mankind,
look upon me with mercy and hear my prayer,
for I trust in you.
Have mercy on me,
full of sorrow and sin,
for the depth of your compassion never ends.
Praise to you, saving sacrfice,
offered on the wood of the cross for me and for all mankind.
Praise to the noble and precious blood,
flowing from the wounds of the my crucified Lord Jesus Christ and washing away the sins of the whole world.
Remember, Lord your creature,
whom you have redeemed with your blood;
I repent my sins,
and I long to put right what I have done. Merciful Father, take away all my offenses and sins;
purify me in body and soul,
and make me worthy to taste the holy of holies.
May your body and blood,
which I intend to receive, although I am unworthy,
be for me the remission of my sins,
the washing away of my guilt,
the end of my evil thoughts,
and the rebirth of my better instincts.
May it incite me to do the works pleasing to you and profitable to my health in body and soul,
and be a firm defense against the wiles of my enemies. Amen.
St. Ambrose
I approach your banquet table in fear and trembling,
for I am a sinner,
and dare not rely on my own worth,
but only on your goodness and mercy.
I am defiled by many sins in body and soul,
and by my unguarded thoughts and words.
Gracious God of majesty and awe,
I seek your protection,
I look for your healing.
Poor troubled sinner that I am,
I appeal to you, the fountain of all mercy.
I cannot bear your judgment,
but I trust in your salvation.
Lord, I show my wounds to you and uncover my shame before you.
I know my sins are many and great,
and they fill me with fear,
but I hope in your mercies,
for they cannot be numbered.
Lord Jesus Christ, eternal king, God and man,
crucified for mankind,
look upon me with mercy and hear my prayer,
for I trust in you.
Have mercy on me,
full of sorrow and sin,
for the depth of your compassion never ends.
Praise to you, saving sacrfice,
offered on the wood of the cross for me and for all mankind.
Praise to the noble and precious blood,
flowing from the wounds of the my crucified Lord Jesus Christ and washing away the sins of the whole world.
Remember, Lord your creature,
whom you have redeemed with your blood;
I repent my sins,
and I long to put right what I have done. Merciful Father, take away all my offenses and sins;
purify me in body and soul,
and make me worthy to taste the holy of holies.
May your body and blood,
which I intend to receive, although I am unworthy,
be for me the remission of my sins,
the washing away of my guilt,
the end of my evil thoughts,
and the rebirth of my better instincts.
May it incite me to do the works pleasing to you and profitable to my health in body and soul,
and be a firm defense against the wiles of my enemies. Amen.
St. Ambrose
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
neighbors
"But who is my neighbor"
Peace begins within our relationship with God.
Then, that peace spills into our families. Perfect love casts out fear. (That's in 1 John) Grace cancels sin. Peace satisfies conflicts. A home that follows God (Joshua 1) is a home marked by peace.
But peace doesn't wait inside the walls.
Peace overflows off the deck and spills over the yard. Peace creeps over fences and leaves cookies on the neighbors' porches. Peace makes lawsuits unnecessary.
Why is peace elusive?
We are children of light. Citizens of Heaven. Ambassadors of Christ.
We are the people of peace.
Peace should infect our neighborhoods. Locally. Globally. Eternally.
I think that is what it means to be a good neighbor.
Peace begins within our relationship with God.
Then, that peace spills into our families. Perfect love casts out fear. (That's in 1 John) Grace cancels sin. Peace satisfies conflicts. A home that follows God (Joshua 1) is a home marked by peace.
But peace doesn't wait inside the walls.
Peace overflows off the deck and spills over the yard. Peace creeps over fences and leaves cookies on the neighbors' porches. Peace makes lawsuits unnecessary.
Why is peace elusive?
We are children of light. Citizens of Heaven. Ambassadors of Christ.
We are the people of peace.
Peace should infect our neighborhoods. Locally. Globally. Eternally.
I think that is what it means to be a good neighbor.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
write that down
Right before Stanley dropped me off at the airport on Saturday night (heading to Florida for an agricultural training) we were talking about the mission of the Church. I had just finished reading When Helping Hurts, so my social theology was in high form.
Literally, right as we drove up the arrivals ramp, Stanley told me: "Write this down, Laura. That way you can remember why you do what you do."
So, here it is:
God calls the Church His bride, His hands and feet. He commissions us to bring His hope and healing to the world.
How does that effect my calling, my purpose, my mission? As worship to Christ, I am called to love my neighbor. Sometimes that neighbor shares my roof. Sometimes that neighbor speaks a completely different language and lives on another ocean. Either way, my role is the same. Live as a reflection of Christ's love.
When I was 15, I heard about how many people in Burkina did not have access to adequate food. I learned how many people were walking in darkness, not knowing the reality of God's love.
Over the last 11 years, I have traveled to many places and learned many things about how Christians are making a difference on the global scale. I've learned that God did not intend poverty. Rather, the Gospel is the promise of total restoration. (Don't worry, I haven't converted to a prosperity gospel.) Instead, the Gospel is the restoration of broken relationships, broken systems, and ultimately a broken Earth.
God didn't create a world where children die of preventable diseases. He created a good, perfect, holy world. It breaks His heart to see injustice, oppression, and inequality. There is enough food for everyone on earth. Global hunger is a problem of human greed and distribution. God created a sustainable world that provides adequate nutrition for every person.
The Church is Christ's bride, working on behalf of her Husband. If we claim Christ's name, we claim His mission. That means that children with broken families are welcome in our life. That means that the hungry are welcome at our table. That means the needy are welcome in our bounty.
Some seasons, that means I teach American teenagers that they are valuable. Other seasons, it means I travel to developing nations to train teachers, farmers, and families. Who knows what the next seasons will bring...
All in all, I choose to follow Jesus. It sounds cliche, but it is the only legitimate option. Trusting Him is our required response of obedience. That means, I trust that He knows the end game. I take risks within His holy framework, not needlessly putting myself in reckless danger, but neither living in fear.
So for now, this is what I am writing down. Thanks for prompting me, dear.
Literally, right as we drove up the arrivals ramp, Stanley told me: "Write this down, Laura. That way you can remember why you do what you do."
So, here it is:
God calls the Church His bride, His hands and feet. He commissions us to bring His hope and healing to the world.
How does that effect my calling, my purpose, my mission? As worship to Christ, I am called to love my neighbor. Sometimes that neighbor shares my roof. Sometimes that neighbor speaks a completely different language and lives on another ocean. Either way, my role is the same. Live as a reflection of Christ's love.
When I was 15, I heard about how many people in Burkina did not have access to adequate food. I learned how many people were walking in darkness, not knowing the reality of God's love.
Over the last 11 years, I have traveled to many places and learned many things about how Christians are making a difference on the global scale. I've learned that God did not intend poverty. Rather, the Gospel is the promise of total restoration. (Don't worry, I haven't converted to a prosperity gospel.) Instead, the Gospel is the restoration of broken relationships, broken systems, and ultimately a broken Earth.
God didn't create a world where children die of preventable diseases. He created a good, perfect, holy world. It breaks His heart to see injustice, oppression, and inequality. There is enough food for everyone on earth. Global hunger is a problem of human greed and distribution. God created a sustainable world that provides adequate nutrition for every person.
The Church is Christ's bride, working on behalf of her Husband. If we claim Christ's name, we claim His mission. That means that children with broken families are welcome in our life. That means that the hungry are welcome at our table. That means the needy are welcome in our bounty.
Some seasons, that means I teach American teenagers that they are valuable. Other seasons, it means I travel to developing nations to train teachers, farmers, and families. Who knows what the next seasons will bring...
All in all, I choose to follow Jesus. It sounds cliche, but it is the only legitimate option. Trusting Him is our required response of obedience. That means, I trust that He knows the end game. I take risks within His holy framework, not needlessly putting myself in reckless danger, but neither living in fear.
So for now, this is what I am writing down. Thanks for prompting me, dear.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
nothing new
Today has been a beautiful, unexpected gift of productive solitude.
A lot of time to play piano. A sunny morning for a run along the Anacortes coast. Enough internet to accomplish this week's "to-do" list. Time to pray. Time to read. Time to sing. Time to rest.
And Val & Jeff have a good supply of hummus and tortilla chips.
All in all, there has been plenty of time to reflect on the concept of "growth".
Growth is a biological reality. All living things grow and develop. Some human cells even continue growing, dividing, in the first few moments after you die. That is, growth lasts longer than life.
So, metaphorically then, I reflect on growth.
How have my emotions grown since this time last year?
Do I run to Jesus with my problems? Or do I still try to solve them first on my own?
In moments of emotional chaos, my dear boyfriend reminds me of God's faithfulness. When I claim, "I thought I was done responding this way," he replies, "Dear, I read your blog. This is how you always respond."
How then can one quantify emotional growth?
Four years ago, I had just moved to Kitsap. A new job. An unknown reality.
How do we find ourselves in new iterations of the same situations?
Faithful God, you have a beautiful sense of humor. Love you!
A lot of time to play piano. A sunny morning for a run along the Anacortes coast. Enough internet to accomplish this week's "to-do" list. Time to pray. Time to read. Time to sing. Time to rest.
And Val & Jeff have a good supply of hummus and tortilla chips.
All in all, there has been plenty of time to reflect on the concept of "growth".
Growth is a biological reality. All living things grow and develop. Some human cells even continue growing, dividing, in the first few moments after you die. That is, growth lasts longer than life.
So, metaphorically then, I reflect on growth.
How have my emotions grown since this time last year?
Do I run to Jesus with my problems? Or do I still try to solve them first on my own?
In moments of emotional chaos, my dear boyfriend reminds me of God's faithfulness. When I claim, "I thought I was done responding this way," he replies, "Dear, I read your blog. This is how you always respond."
How then can one quantify emotional growth?
Four years ago, I had just moved to Kitsap. A new job. An unknown reality.
How do we find ourselves in new iterations of the same situations?
Faithful God, you have a beautiful sense of humor. Love you!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Psalm 527
A prayer from May 27th, per a sermon at Antioch church in Bend, OR:
When my identity is tattered, drug through the gutter,
You reach down and give me Your name.
I'm broken, I'm battered, I'm nothing.
You see Yourself in my reflection.
Even when I'm helpless, hopeless
Still You use my brokenness for glory.
You are the One who runs to vindicate,
the Rescuer.
Give me Your strength, I'm all worn out.
Give me Your hope, I used it all up.
Give me Your passion, mine's gone.
Jesus, I can't do anything without You.
Use my trials for glory.
When my identity is tattered, drug through the gutter,
You reach down and give me Your name.
I'm broken, I'm battered, I'm nothing.
You see Yourself in my reflection.
Even when I'm helpless, hopeless
Still You use my brokenness for glory.
You are the One who runs to vindicate,
the Rescuer.
Give me Your strength, I'm all worn out.
Give me Your hope, I used it all up.
Give me Your passion, mine's gone.
Jesus, I can't do anything without You.
Use my trials for glory.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
worship, work, and the moment
Heaven operates on a different timeline.
There is no 9-5 in eternity. There’s not work, really, either. Rather, worship.
How does that translate into life on Earth?
If I view each task, each objective, each relationship through a Heavenly lens, my perspective can only change. Our work on Earth is manifestation of worship we will practice forever. This is even more important as we understand that eternity includes the present moment.
Worship can mean leaving the comforts of home to visit the sick. Worship can include preaching the Gospel to crowds of people who have never heard. Worship can occur inside a church, but is not necessary.
Worship is not work, but work can be transformed and offered as worship. So, as I teach students in an American public high school, I worship. Each conversation (pleasant or painful) is an act of worship, reflecting the Creator to His creation. Or, if I sit with a child in Burkina Faso in the shade of a Tonga tree, I reflect the Creator in the same way. Sometimes, worship even requires solitude, recognizing that only Christ can save myself or anyone else.
Accomplishments on earth pale in comparison to the glory of Christ, revealed in eternity. Now we see reflections, glimpses, of His glory. But, when we are united with Christ? Perfection.
Worship accepts perfection without understanding it. Faith is often defined as believing in the unseen. True worship is faith in God as a good Father. Understanding that all will be made right in His Kingdom provides the faith necessary for any momentary troubles. In the scope of eternity, the entire history of the world is momentary. How much more the life of an individual?
And yet, worship recognizes the role of the individual. Every person who calls on the name of Jesus Christ can be saved into His family. So, self-degrading is not necessary to enter His presence in worship. Instead, we confidently enter as sons and daughters. We reverently understand that Christ has chosen us into His family. With humility, we worship together as the Church, His holy Bride. We respect our Lord and Savior, unafraid of rejection, for perfect love casts out fear. In worship, we see our role in His beautiful plan of salvation. We are given direction to move as His hands and feet, to take the Gospel to every corner of the Earth.
We worship in compassion, in courage, and in reverence. We live as citizens of Heaven, such that the Earth takes notice. We ask grace not to control our sin nature, but to heal our brokenness so that only Truth flows from our lives. Together, Truth and grace transform the Earth.
Worship infects Earth with Heaven. Worship corrects our priorities in the moment, by reminding us that through Christ, we are eternal. Worship captures eternity into the moment. And while I cannot understand how that is possible right now, I trust that is exactly how it is intended to be. Worship is rooted in faith in our Savior.
Praise the name of Jesus Christ.
forever
There is no 9-5 in eternity. There’s not work, really, either. Rather, worship.
How does that translate into life on Earth?
If I view each task, each objective, each relationship through a Heavenly lens, my perspective can only change. Our work on Earth is manifestation of worship we will practice forever. This is even more important as we understand that eternity includes the present moment.
Worship can mean leaving the comforts of home to visit the sick. Worship can include preaching the Gospel to crowds of people who have never heard. Worship can occur inside a church, but is not necessary.
Worship is not work, but work can be transformed and offered as worship. So, as I teach students in an American public high school, I worship. Each conversation (pleasant or painful) is an act of worship, reflecting the Creator to His creation. Or, if I sit with a child in Burkina Faso in the shade of a Tonga tree, I reflect the Creator in the same way. Sometimes, worship even requires solitude, recognizing that only Christ can save myself or anyone else.
Accomplishments on earth pale in comparison to the glory of Christ, revealed in eternity. Now we see reflections, glimpses, of His glory. But, when we are united with Christ? Perfection.
Worship accepts perfection without understanding it. Faith is often defined as believing in the unseen. True worship is faith in God as a good Father. Understanding that all will be made right in His Kingdom provides the faith necessary for any momentary troubles. In the scope of eternity, the entire history of the world is momentary. How much more the life of an individual?
And yet, worship recognizes the role of the individual. Every person who calls on the name of Jesus Christ can be saved into His family. So, self-degrading is not necessary to enter His presence in worship. Instead, we confidently enter as sons and daughters. We reverently understand that Christ has chosen us into His family. With humility, we worship together as the Church, His holy Bride. We respect our Lord and Savior, unafraid of rejection, for perfect love casts out fear. In worship, we see our role in His beautiful plan of salvation. We are given direction to move as His hands and feet, to take the Gospel to every corner of the Earth.
We worship in compassion, in courage, and in reverence. We live as citizens of Heaven, such that the Earth takes notice. We ask grace not to control our sin nature, but to heal our brokenness so that only Truth flows from our lives. Together, Truth and grace transform the Earth.
Worship infects Earth with Heaven. Worship corrects our priorities in the moment, by reminding us that through Christ, we are eternal. Worship captures eternity into the moment. And while I cannot understand how that is possible right now, I trust that is exactly how it is intended to be. Worship is rooted in faith in our Savior.
Praise the name of Jesus Christ.
forever
Friday, July 20, 2012
home
I am learning that home has more to do with people than places.
As always, our citizenship is in Heaven.
As always, our citizenship is in Heaven.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
quick jaunt to Europe
Pray that our team makes it to Burkina. Our flight was
canceled today, so we are in Belgium. If you don’t hear from me, no news is
good news! (Internet will be harder to come by while we are in the village.)
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart.
Prov 3:5a
Saturday, June 30, 2012
en route
I'm at SeaTac right now, waiting for a flight to Philadelphia, then Brussels, then Ougadougou.
Pray for God's will to be obvious and that I would obey.
love you all
Pray for God's will to be obvious and that I would obey.
love you all
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
moved out
Tomorrow, I need to turn in my school keys. Then, I'm all moved out of the classroom that's been "home" for the last four years.
Over half of my material possessions are already stowed away in the shed of a generous friend. The rest are stacked in piles in my parents' basement. WAITING TO BE SORTED.
I leave for Burkina on June 30th, which is coming up soon.
God, You're the faithful God of the details. Help me trust You in this season. You work out all things for Your good. Get the glory!
Over half of my material possessions are already stowed away in the shed of a generous friend. The rest are stacked in piles in my parents' basement. WAITING TO BE SORTED.
I leave for Burkina on June 30th, which is coming up soon.
God, You're the faithful God of the details. Help me trust You in this season. You work out all things for Your good. Get the glory!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
November anthem
Maybe I posted this in November....
I'm packing (yet again) for a new season. This time, it's a season of couch-surfing and sleeping on my trusty green thermarest. Burkina Faso is suddenly days away (15!).
In a box of art supplies, I found this prayer from a retreat in November:
God, you really are THAT good. You're the light so deep it chews up darkness. Your words are life. You're what matters. Hope is Your breath. Peace is Your way. Your plans are beautiful. Your ways are transformation. YES!
You come and solve the unsolvable. You restore. You make the dead alive. That's who You are. You are miracles. You are love.
Joy is Your wake. Forgiveness is Your voice. Gentleness lifts us up to relationship with You. Haha, and You're so faithful.
Take this offering. I can only say what has already been said. Oh, thank you for loving me.
Mercy is so sweet. You can't buy this stuff! Oh, grace tastes better than wine. Your life is better than our imaginations.
Spirit, show me to be still.
love, love, love
I'm packing (yet again) for a new season. This time, it's a season of couch-surfing and sleeping on my trusty green thermarest. Burkina Faso is suddenly days away (15!).
In a box of art supplies, I found this prayer from a retreat in November:
God, you really are THAT good. You're the light so deep it chews up darkness. Your words are life. You're what matters. Hope is Your breath. Peace is Your way. Your plans are beautiful. Your ways are transformation. YES!
You come and solve the unsolvable. You restore. You make the dead alive. That's who You are. You are miracles. You are love.
Joy is Your wake. Forgiveness is Your voice. Gentleness lifts us up to relationship with You. Haha, and You're so faithful.
Take this offering. I can only say what has already been said. Oh, thank you for loving me.
Mercy is so sweet. You can't buy this stuff! Oh, grace tastes better than wine. Your life is better than our imaginations.
Spirit, show me to be still.
love, love, love
Saturday, June 9, 2012
trust
If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if in a safe land you are so trusting, what will you do in the thicket of the Jordan? -Jeremiah 12:5
It's the home stretch! One week before I move out. Two weeks of classes left. Three weeks in country.
My Earth-body is getting tired. Track season is over, so I'm literally finished "racing with men on foot." The safe land is excited and sending me out.
But, Heavenly citizenship equips additional discretion.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.- Isaiah 40:29
Not only does God remove exhaustion, but he shepherds our very souls. He is worthy of trust, in Kitsap or in the thicket. Megan texted me this verse on Monday morning:
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11
Preparing for a season of saying goodbye to hundreds of fragile-hearted teenagers, I love the promises nestled into these passages.
What a Great King! What a Good Father!
I place my trust with Him.
It's the home stretch! One week before I move out. Two weeks of classes left. Three weeks in country.
My Earth-body is getting tired. Track season is over, so I'm literally finished "racing with men on foot." The safe land is excited and sending me out.
But, Heavenly citizenship equips additional discretion.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.- Isaiah 40:29
Not only does God remove exhaustion, but he shepherds our very souls. He is worthy of trust, in Kitsap or in the thicket. Megan texted me this verse on Monday morning:
He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. Isaiah 40:11
Preparing for a season of saying goodbye to hundreds of fragile-hearted teenagers, I love the promises nestled into these passages.
What a Great King! What a Good Father!
I place my trust with Him.
Monday, June 4, 2012
ridiculous
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are higher than your ways." Isaiah 55:8
Oh, life is just ridiculous.
God has bigger plans than I can see. His story is intricate and delicate. Very grateful for the love of our Great King.
Oh, life is just ridiculous.
God has bigger plans than I can see. His story is intricate and delicate. Very grateful for the love of our Great King.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Oregon
It's an Oregon sort of weekend.
The other northwest state. (Well, then there's Idaho, I guess, too.)
I'm at a stranger's house (friend of my adventure buddy this weekend) right now in a suburb of Portland, enjoying the clouds burn off on a sleepy morning. David Crowder band is singing praise to the Savior in my earbuds. The sunlight slowly illuminates new corners of the sweeping valley. What a beautiful morning to worship the Good King.
Ten years ago, Oregon was a fitting temple, also. Daily solitude at Cannon Beach, sweet, challenging fellowship at Credo, and my first backpacking adventure at Mt. Hood all directed my attention back to a Father who loves His children.
A few family reunions on the coast have helped me understand my personal history, too. The reasons behind our actions. My "purpose verse" in Psalm 40:10 was the fruit of a tearful, genuine time of worship on a sand dune in Gearhart after my world turned upside down with a game-changing internship.
Later, the great state of Oregon hosted Jeannie and I for two roadtrip adventures. Grateful for those special times with my sister. She's grateful, too, that we never were murdered in a hostel...
A year ago, I was convincing myself that true love required surfing. Inspired by Sasha's encouragement ("You're Laura Rarig, you can do freakin' ANYTHING) I tried to surf. Turns out, I am buoyant in a wetsuit, so I probably won't drown, but I am definitely too competitive to overcome my lack of coordination. Also, I re-learned the lesson that love requires deep sacrifice.
It's the state where Megan & I organized our only climbing trip. The state where Craig & Nicole have a happy, newlywed house. The state where I finished National Boards last month. The state where I had to wrestle through deep heartache on a World Changers mission trip, always running into Karl when we skipped the same group events. The state where Shannon and I just gave up and stayed at hotels on our friendship-restoring roadtrip to the Redwoods.
All that to say, I'm grateful to spend this 3-day in Oregon. Looking forward with expectation to His mysteries to be revealed in this place. Already, this morning holds 3 more hours of roadtrip.
The other northwest state. (Well, then there's Idaho, I guess, too.)
I'm at a stranger's house (friend of my adventure buddy this weekend) right now in a suburb of Portland, enjoying the clouds burn off on a sleepy morning. David Crowder band is singing praise to the Savior in my earbuds. The sunlight slowly illuminates new corners of the sweeping valley. What a beautiful morning to worship the Good King.
Ten years ago, Oregon was a fitting temple, also. Daily solitude at Cannon Beach, sweet, challenging fellowship at Credo, and my first backpacking adventure at Mt. Hood all directed my attention back to a Father who loves His children.
A few family reunions on the coast have helped me understand my personal history, too. The reasons behind our actions. My "purpose verse" in Psalm 40:10 was the fruit of a tearful, genuine time of worship on a sand dune in Gearhart after my world turned upside down with a game-changing internship.
Later, the great state of Oregon hosted Jeannie and I for two roadtrip adventures. Grateful for those special times with my sister. She's grateful, too, that we never were murdered in a hostel...
A year ago, I was convincing myself that true love required surfing. Inspired by Sasha's encouragement ("You're Laura Rarig, you can do freakin' ANYTHING) I tried to surf. Turns out, I am buoyant in a wetsuit, so I probably won't drown, but I am definitely too competitive to overcome my lack of coordination. Also, I re-learned the lesson that love requires deep sacrifice.
It's the state where Megan & I organized our only climbing trip. The state where Craig & Nicole have a happy, newlywed house. The state where I finished National Boards last month. The state where I had to wrestle through deep heartache on a World Changers mission trip, always running into Karl when we skipped the same group events. The state where Shannon and I just gave up and stayed at hotels on our friendship-restoring roadtrip to the Redwoods.
All that to say, I'm grateful to spend this 3-day in Oregon. Looking forward with expectation to His mysteries to be revealed in this place. Already, this morning holds 3 more hours of roadtrip.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
DWTS
It's been raining all week. So, Mom came over to watch Dancing with the Stars.
I love living near family.
I love living near family.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
no metaphor
It's been GORGEOUS since Friday.
Today, I drove past an electronic thermometer at a bank that said it was 86 degrees. In MAY!
After a fun track practice, I bought some real groceries. I weedwhacked the jungle behind my house, washed up, and settled down for a restful homemade dinner. Sunshine makes me LOVE life!
So now that the dishes from my pancetta salad are drying on the rack, I can settle down in a sunny spot and listen to the Bible read in Moore.
I move out of my home in exactly a month. Terrifying and exciting. There are only 40 days (counting weekends!) until our very late school year ends. If God wills, I'll be in Burkina in 6 weeks.
There is so much to be done: in my house, in my classroom, in my heart.
There are no metaphors today. Only peace and promises.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare [fn] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11 ESV
Today, I drove past an electronic thermometer at a bank that said it was 86 degrees. In MAY!
After a fun track practice, I bought some real groceries. I weedwhacked the jungle behind my house, washed up, and settled down for a restful homemade dinner. Sunshine makes me LOVE life!
So now that the dishes from my pancetta salad are drying on the rack, I can settle down in a sunny spot and listen to the Bible read in Moore.
I move out of my home in exactly a month. Terrifying and exciting. There are only 40 days (counting weekends!) until our very late school year ends. If God wills, I'll be in Burkina in 6 weeks.
There is so much to be done: in my house, in my classroom, in my heart.
There are no metaphors today. Only peace and promises.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare [fn] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11 ESV
Saturday, May 5, 2012
MAY
Back in Nashville again, sitting on Amanda's couch. I'm in town for just under 48 hours so I intend to make them count. May will be like this all month long. Very important events, little time, trying to make everything count!
Amanda graduated today! God is faithful and never gives up on us. One graduate had "Prov 16:9" rhinestoned onto her cap. The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.
Watching Amanda walk across the stage is just another reminder that God's plans work out in different ways than we thought they would. Ashley is in town, too, and the three of us keep reflecting on the wonder of how God brought us to where we are today. We've only been friends for eight years, but God continues to reveal that He is trust-worthy. In fact, trusting Him is the only thing we can count on.
What a glorious day. Praise God who never gives up on us!
Amanda graduated today! God is faithful and never gives up on us. One graduate had "Prov 16:9" rhinestoned onto her cap. The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.
Watching Amanda walk across the stage is just another reminder that God's plans work out in different ways than we thought they would. Ashley is in town, too, and the three of us keep reflecting on the wonder of how God brought us to where we are today. We've only been friends for eight years, but God continues to reveal that He is trust-worthy. In fact, trusting Him is the only thing we can count on.
What a glorious day. Praise God who never gives up on us!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
justice
A staff meeting this week got me really fired up about advocating for the poor.
Roughly one-third of the students at my school are "free or reduced lunch" which means their family qualifies with an income below the American poverty line. These students score disproportionately lower than their peers on both state tests and earning passing grades in core classes. And yet, strategies to support students in poverty are sparing.
"Who will speak for the poor?"
These students sometimes advocate for themselves. "Um, I don't have a pencil" or "the internet was cut this week." They don't often voice the stories behind the stories, "We're living out of the car this week."
How can you write a lab report if you don't know where you're going to sleep tonight?
My reaction was to get angry. I crafted a passionate, impromptu lunchroom speech to my sympathetic 3rd lunch colleagues about our need for training about engaging students in poverty. I envisioned myself a champion of the poor, an advocate for justice.
Later at home that evening, though, I realized that I am part of the problem. My students know to no longer ask for extra pencils because "I spent over $100 on pens and pencils this year and they have all been broken, lost, or thrown away." My students know that the peanut butter sandwiches promised at the beginning of the year for anyone needing a snack have been vetoed for "student allergy reasons."
How can I send support letters to friends and family when I'm not actively giving to the poor in my own school? What does it look like to serve these students? A hand-up, not a hand-out.
Thinking about my desire for justice, my heart was pulled back to the cross. Justice, true justice, means that I earned death. The penalty for sin. Jesus acts justly, but transcends our simplified views of cause and effect. His restoration, transformation, is about more than justice.
Mercy restores relationship. Mercy allows me to rest at Jesus' feet. Mercy makes me right with the Father.
So, walking into another week of school, I hope to re-focus. To serve my students (all of them, poor and otherwise) I want to live with an overflow of mercy.
Lord, give me grace to be merciful. Help me surrender the desire for justice as I see fit and take up your larger view of restoration. Show me how to walk in mercy.
My mercy and justice are coming soon. My salvation is on the way. My strong arm will bring justice to the nations. All distant lands will look to me and wait in hope for my powerful arm.- Isaiah 51:5
Roughly one-third of the students at my school are "free or reduced lunch" which means their family qualifies with an income below the American poverty line. These students score disproportionately lower than their peers on both state tests and earning passing grades in core classes. And yet, strategies to support students in poverty are sparing.
"Who will speak for the poor?"
These students sometimes advocate for themselves. "Um, I don't have a pencil" or "the internet was cut this week." They don't often voice the stories behind the stories, "We're living out of the car this week."
How can you write a lab report if you don't know where you're going to sleep tonight?
My reaction was to get angry. I crafted a passionate, impromptu lunchroom speech to my sympathetic 3rd lunch colleagues about our need for training about engaging students in poverty. I envisioned myself a champion of the poor, an advocate for justice.
Later at home that evening, though, I realized that I am part of the problem. My students know to no longer ask for extra pencils because "I spent over $100 on pens and pencils this year and they have all been broken, lost, or thrown away." My students know that the peanut butter sandwiches promised at the beginning of the year for anyone needing a snack have been vetoed for "student allergy reasons."
How can I send support letters to friends and family when I'm not actively giving to the poor in my own school? What does it look like to serve these students? A hand-up, not a hand-out.
Thinking about my desire for justice, my heart was pulled back to the cross. Justice, true justice, means that I earned death. The penalty for sin. Jesus acts justly, but transcends our simplified views of cause and effect. His restoration, transformation, is about more than justice.
Mercy restores relationship. Mercy allows me to rest at Jesus' feet. Mercy makes me right with the Father.
So, walking into another week of school, I hope to re-focus. To serve my students (all of them, poor and otherwise) I want to live with an overflow of mercy.
Lord, give me grace to be merciful. Help me surrender the desire for justice as I see fit and take up your larger view of restoration. Show me how to walk in mercy.
My mercy and justice are coming soon. My salvation is on the way. My strong arm will bring justice to the nations. All distant lands will look to me and wait in hope for my powerful arm.- Isaiah 51:5
Sunday, April 22, 2012
letter
Dear blogfamily,
Here's the support letter I'm sending to people interested in the adventure God is calling me to. It's a recap of his faithfulness and a summary of my next step. Let me know if you'd like more info.
Thank you for your friendship and
support. I’m excited to share stories of God’s faithfulness! Some of you may
remember my dream in high school to end world hunger. Ten years ago, God placed
a calling on my life for the people of Burkina
Faso, a small land-locked country in Western Africa. In His great
faithfulness, I am finally planning to visit Burkina Faso for the first time
this July.
I will be traveling to the capitol
city of Ouagadougou with a team from Walk in the Light International (WITLI). WITLI partners with local Burkinabe
leaders for holistic community development in the village of Riahlo. In the last three years, WITLI
has helped provide clean drinking water, improve sanitation, and built a school
for 300 students.
My visit this summer will focus on
developing a school lunch program,
providing students with nutritious meals from local crops. I will partner with
local farmers to adapt traditional agriculture methods in light of the changing
climate and challenges of increasingly frequent and severe droughts.
Another focus of my trip will be to
establish and develop relationships
with the elders, teachers, and pastors of the Riahlo village. If God wills, I
hope to return to Riahlo in early September to spend the 2012-13 school year as
an educational consultant. WITLI also hopes that I can partner with local
farmers to launch an agricultural initiative. To better support farmers in
Riahlo, I also plan to attend a series of trainings this August at ECHO, an agricultural mission school in Ft Myers, FL.
So, what is the purpose of this
letter? I want to invite you to join the WITLI team. Here are three ways you can get involved:
Please continue to pray for God’s will to be clear in my
life. I’ve already been approved for a year leave of absence from my teaching
job in Silverdale, WA. Pray for His will to be obvious.
Please pray for God’s Word to continue spreading through the
village of Riahlo. The Christian church already established in the village continues to grow!
Pray for rain! The Sahel region (where Burkina Faso is, just
south of the Sahara desert) is currently in a severe drought. Pray for
agricultural blessing.
2) DONATE:
If you would like to provide financial support, you can mail
checks to:
Walk in the Light International
PO
Box 563
Port
Orchard, WA
98366
My summer trip is already paid in full, but WITLI is
currently raising funds to build homes for the teachers at the school. Each home will be on the school campus to increase security of school resources and bless the hard-working teachers. Each house will also be equipped with a solar panel, providing the first electricity to the school and village. The houses will be built with local supplies by Burkinabe contractors and laborers. Projected cost is $4,000 per house and WITLI hopes to build four houses.
PARTNER:
When I return from Burkina Faso in August, I would love to
share stories of God’s faithfulness with you and your community. Please let me
know if you’d like to host an event with your church or small group.
Thank you for your friendship and support in my life.
May God bless you and your family.
Much love,
Laura
Saturday, April 14, 2012
finishing
Tonight I'm at Craig & Nicole's home in Portland.
I came to Portland for two reasons: 1)Because I love them and don't see them much now that they live in Oregon, and 2)I took my National Boards assessment. :)
This weekend has put me in a celebratory and reflective mood. The National Boards process has been a very involved eight month process. I apologize right now for anyone who landed on the short end of my patience. Seriously, sorry. The theme of today has been "finishing".
This morning, I finished my National Boards submission. Clicking "Yes" to the "Are you sure you are done?" question wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped. But, the satisfaction of knowing that I wrote each response as worship the King, that was worth it.
Then, after Craig graciously drove me home from the test so I wouldn't have to navigate weird Portland streets, I finished grading for 3rd quarter. It's all done.
After Nicole came home from work, we all went to a bouldering gym. Ohmygoodness, I was like a kid in a candy store!!! I chose some routes that I thought I could finish. I realized that I only choose challenges I think I can complete.
After dinner tonight (and great time talking with Craig & Nicole) I took some time to refocus my studying momentum by conjugating some French verbs. And that's where all of these pieces of ideas crystallized:
In French, finir means "to finish." It's a regular verb in French. It's a regular verb in my life.
Start things you can finish.
There are two ways that this could be spun. Faithful: I am faithful, loyal, and reliable. I get stuff done. Even if it takes awhile, I see projects to completion. I work hard and don't give up. Faithless: I don't take big risks. Last night we played the game Wits & Wagers. I answered almost every question right, but didn't wager much. In the parable of the talents, I'm a digger. I stick to what I know.
So how should I finish tasks? Faithfulness is important. But faith is important, too. I need the strength to trust God to try the things that I can't do on my own.
I came to Portland for two reasons: 1)Because I love them and don't see them much now that they live in Oregon, and 2)I took my National Boards assessment. :)
This weekend has put me in a celebratory and reflective mood. The National Boards process has been a very involved eight month process. I apologize right now for anyone who landed on the short end of my patience. Seriously, sorry. The theme of today has been "finishing".
This morning, I finished my National Boards submission. Clicking "Yes" to the "Are you sure you are done?" question wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped. But, the satisfaction of knowing that I wrote each response as worship the King, that was worth it.
Then, after Craig graciously drove me home from the test so I wouldn't have to navigate weird Portland streets, I finished grading for 3rd quarter. It's all done.
After Nicole came home from work, we all went to a bouldering gym. Ohmygoodness, I was like a kid in a candy store!!! I chose some routes that I thought I could finish. I realized that I only choose challenges I think I can complete.
After dinner tonight (and great time talking with Craig & Nicole) I took some time to refocus my studying momentum by conjugating some French verbs. And that's where all of these pieces of ideas crystallized:
In French, finir means "to finish." It's a regular verb in French. It's a regular verb in my life.
Start things you can finish.
There are two ways that this could be spun. Faithful: I am faithful, loyal, and reliable. I get stuff done. Even if it takes awhile, I see projects to completion. I work hard and don't give up. Faithless: I don't take big risks. Last night we played the game Wits & Wagers. I answered almost every question right, but didn't wager much. In the parable of the talents, I'm a digger. I stick to what I know.
So how should I finish tasks? Faithfulness is important. But faith is important, too. I need the strength to trust God to try the things that I can't do on my own.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
all will be well
On days like today, it's easier to remember that God loves us. Last night's Good Friday gathering is fresh in my mind. The sunshine makes friends and strangers willing to chat for awhile. Even the mountains look happy, wrapped in sparkly, new snow.
Easter makes restoration contagious. This week, friends from different walks of life have independently talked with me about restoration. About trusting God to make broken relationships whole again. About real forgiveness. About trusting Jesus to make all things new.
Restoration as a theme is one thing. Restoration in action is another. Restoration means sharing dinner with friends who weren't so friendly for a season only to rejoice in the love of our Savior. Restoration means sending an e-mail to the guy who broke my heart, asking to join in global ministry. Restoration means, setting up a church in a rival highschool. Restoration means the Gospel is spreading to places that I'd written off.
All will be well.
My visa came in the mail today.
"As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!"- Psalm 40:11
All will be well.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
"first world problems"
A lot of my friends who follow Jesus have been having the same conversation: "We're human." Somehow, in light of our heavenly citizenship, we forgot that we were human. We forgot that we still had a sin nature. We forgot that we weren't perfected yet.
In light of that conversation, I've been noticing my sin nature more.
Tuesday night FOX was having a disagreement with DirectTV. That meant, I couldn't watch New Girl. Tonight (a Thursday), the conflict is resolved. My reaction: Why didn't that happen on Tuesday night so I could watch the new episode. What a self-seeking, first world problem?! Another reminder of my humanity.
But the bigger first world problem tonight came while I was microwaving a $2 enchilada from Trader Joe's. I only had a few minutes between meeting with different sets of friends to prepare for my upcoming trip to West Africa. Dinner had to be fast. While I waited the four minutes it took for my enchilada to cook, I opened my laptop to take advantage of the wi-fi throughout my 3-bedroom house. The top story on CNN.com was about newly-released details of the rebel takeover of Mali.
I read about the mounting death toll. I read about the rebel demands. I read the US state department warning about any travel into Mali.
Then the microwave beeped.
Some sins are built into our fallen nature. Some sins are built into my consumer-driven culture.
Praise the God who became man. Praise the God who sacrificed Himself for those sins. Praise the God who defeated death with life.
Whether sins of the first-world or sins of the broken world, give us strength to live in victory, Father.
In light of that conversation, I've been noticing my sin nature more.
Tuesday night FOX was having a disagreement with DirectTV. That meant, I couldn't watch New Girl. Tonight (a Thursday), the conflict is resolved. My reaction: Why didn't that happen on Tuesday night so I could watch the new episode. What a self-seeking, first world problem?! Another reminder of my humanity.
But the bigger first world problem tonight came while I was microwaving a $2 enchilada from Trader Joe's. I only had a few minutes between meeting with different sets of friends to prepare for my upcoming trip to West Africa. Dinner had to be fast. While I waited the four minutes it took for my enchilada to cook, I opened my laptop to take advantage of the wi-fi throughout my 3-bedroom house. The top story on CNN.com was about newly-released details of the rebel takeover of Mali.
I read about the mounting death toll. I read about the rebel demands. I read the US state department warning about any travel into Mali.
Then the microwave beeped.
Some sins are built into our fallen nature. Some sins are built into my consumer-driven culture.
Praise the God who became man. Praise the God who sacrificed Himself for those sins. Praise the God who defeated death with life.
Whether sins of the first-world or sins of the broken world, give us strength to live in victory, Father.
Monday, April 2, 2012
two memoirs
Since mailing "the box" last Friday night, I've read two memoirs. Not books that I had to read. Books that I wanted to read.
Both books were first-person memoirs of the not-so-distant past. American individuals caught between cultures, advocating for improved living conditions for those who know no other reality. Recognizing the "american-ness" of American culture, but not preaching Western cures. And each book was really funny, too. While neither book was faith-based or Gospel-driven (though each author developed relationships with God in different ways) the intent of each book was similar. Tell Americans what it's like to live somewhere else. Let them know how complex other cultures are. Paint a picture of how complicated issues of poverty can be. And clearly direct funding to solutions.
(Ok, so my "book reviews" don't reveal any details of the plot. Don't worry. I've oversimplified the themes for your benefit as well.) Each memoir was a quick read (roughly 300 pages each). Books like these inspire me to be a person who takes risks for great, lasting change. But not to be the memoir-writing type.
My memoir would have funny cross-cultural stories to be sure. (At least 5 of them involve public urination...) But it might not be as marketable. Sure, I can fantasize that I am the heroine of my memoir, but that just isn't true. The story I wrote for my life didn't happen (and won't happen in the future, either.) Even my junior high teacher tales have a greater theme, though, than using the wrong word at the wrong time.
At our WITLI board meeting yesterday morning, Tom pitched the vision that we would see "the impossible happen." As we follow Jesus, that becomes the theme of every memoir, the anthem of each life. Tonight, at church, one of our pastor's re-capped the church vision statement:
"People becoming the church, on the mission with Jesus to help heal the world."
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. --Philippians 4:13
(I had to revise this paragraph because it sounded too religious. You know, the false humility stuff that makes everyone else feel guilty about not being perfect...) Seriously, though, the memoir I wish to live won't captivate and entertain the masses. It might not even interest fellow idealists. Moreover, the memoir I hope to write is best plagiarized by the verse that has become my motto:
and find out what pleases the Lord. --Ephesians 5:10
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