the grace year

We never planned to climb a mountain, but we thought we would at least walk in the snow. Instead, the trusty Kia got too tired to drive to the top of Hurricane Ridge. Already pointed downhill, Nicole and I went for a smaller, quieter adventure along the old access road that parallels the ONP road to the visitor center.

Nicole spent 2013 visiting 11 different countries to partner with many local organizations that share the Story of Jesus. She shared beautiful stories of God using broken people like us to change the world. We talked about glamour and grit and the parts of life that are just, well, there.

This year was about grace. Aren't they all?

God uses us no matter what. He uses us when we're hurt or sick. He uses us when we're not quite ready, not together, not perfect. He doesn't even care if we are cute or not. God uses everyone as they are.

We talked about grace and truth. Unfortunately, there's this idea that grace and truth have to balance, like a see-saw. Grace wins. Truth wins. How is that possible? Jesus WINS.

It seems fitting that we didn't even come close to climbing a mountain today. Still, we had a wonderful time. That's how grace works :)

quieter

Statistically, this year has been quieter on the blog. It's been quieter, over all. Perhaps that comes from growing older. Maybe, I've just realized my little experiences aren't ground-breaking news. But, the year itself has felt, well, quieter.

No whirlwind romances this year. No summers abroad. No contested political races.

Sure, there were some polarizing theological views. And I did start a new job and move into a new home. Yet, overall, the stories have grown shorter and quieter.

I still don't like quiet.

However, I recognize how important quiet is.

The verse that's always there:

Be still, and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10

slower

I have this theory:

The shortened days of northern Decembers make you feel that there are fewer hours to be productive. Then, the long nights encourage you to a) spend a LOT of time with friends and family and/or b) worry about all of the things you still need to accomplish.

Here it is, the final week of Advent. Christmas is nearly here.

The short days can't capture the full story. Sure, the tree is decorated and the gifts are wrapped. I've even managed to mail Christmas cards (the 2013 ones, along with a few 2011 ones that were unearthed in a box of ornaments). But Christmas readiness can't be measured by presents, lights, or even the number of parties attended.

It always takes a few days for my heart to slow down for Christmas.

Detox time.

Time to separate the radio ads from the meaning of Christmas. Time to refocus on the audacity of the Creator to become a child of poverty. Time to crumple into worship posture. Time to bless the King with time.

If the days were longer, we might miss these opportunities.

And going into the house they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh. -Matt 2:11

outrageous

"Unexpected God, 
your advent alarms us. 
Wake us from drowsy worship, 
from the sleep that neglects love, 
and the sedative of misdirected frenzy. 
Awaken us now to your coming, 
and bend our angers into your peace. Amen."
-Revised Common Lectionary, Vanderbilt

Advent is my favorite season. Better than any of the weather seasons. It's the most unpredictable of all. Advent is the season of miracles, when the rules break for God's credit. Advent is the season where the impossible and improbable are answered, where God gets the victory, and where grace is poured into the dirtiest and darkest corners.

Advent is when you wait for inevitable rejoicing.

So, this advent my church is getting behind the impossible vision of a young woman. (Sounds familiar, if you think about it for very long...) 

http://outrageouschristmas.com/ 

gratitude

So much to be thankful for:

• loving family
• interesting, fun, compassionate friends
• awesome students
• a roof that doesn't leak for a house that's becoming a home
• beautiful autumn weekends, for rest...and some projects
• free grace

Gratitude is always the right choice.

the blur

Campfires. Waterfalls. Merry-go-rounds.

Some moments in life are so fluid that they cannot be captured. Except, with a blur.

November always brings the blur.

That's why a 3-day weekend is such a beautiful pause. A rest. A moment you can hold.

The blur will be back in the morning, I'm sure. Alarm clocks. Students. Lots of students. Projects. Phone calls. Multiple trips to Lowe's.

But there is beauty in the blur.

The God of the Universe holds onto me and never let's go. He's not intimidated by the blur. I shouldn't be either.

So tonight, I enjoy the pause.

Tomorrow, I'll enjoy the blur. Let's see who He let's me bump into.

sweet home

It's finally real!

God blessed me with a real house. Family and friends have already worked with me and for me to make the house a home.

God is so good!

Come over some night and I'll cook you dinner. As soon as someone finds a table, we could even eat together!

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support.

God is going to do beautiful things in and through this home.

good words from a wise man

“And then a thing that is really important for me: community. I was always looking for a community. I did not see myself as a priest on my own. I need a community. And you can tell this by the fact that I am here in Santa Marta. At the time of the conclave I lived in Room 207. (The rooms were assigned by drawing lots.) This room where we are now was a guest room. I chose to live here, in Room 201, because when I took possession of the papal apartment, inside myself I distinctly heard a ‘no.’ The papal apartment in the Apostolic Palace is not luxurious. It is old, tastefully decorated and large, but not luxurious. But in the end it is like an inverted funnel. It is big and spacious, but the entrance is really tight. People can come only in dribs and drabs, and I cannot live without people. I need to live my life with others.”-- Pope Francis, August 2013 interview

Fresh from a women's retreat, community is tangible today. Life is best together. God Himself exists in community, and chooses the community of the Church for His Bride.

We say the phrase so often where I worship: "people becoming the Church."

Mmm, beautiful Truth.

School must have started

September hit like a train this year.

A beautiful train, going to good places. Quickly.

Life is messy and outrageous and wonderful and confusing.

The LORD is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? -Ps 27:1

Fear accomplishes nothing. God makes stuff work out.

to the mountains

It's Megan & Laura adventure time!

The mountains are ready for us.

Somehow, Truth is louder in the mountains.

deep calls to deep

"Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me."-Psalm 42:7 NASB

It's a new year. Time to stand on lessons of the past, and hope for transformation of the moment. It's been a deep season under the breakers. It's time to ride the waves again.

I've heard deep call to deep. It's terrifying and gorgeous all at once. I've wept the tears of hopelessness to learn that God was always faithful. I've begged for restoration and received it. I've been washed in the waterfalls of grace. I know who wins.

Camp season was good and hard. So much brokenness thrown into the light. So much pain surrendered at the Cross. But, not everyone is brave enough to let go of their familiar hurt. Sometimes, the breakers must continue so we can finally let go.

As school starts, I'm excited instead of ready. I know the waves come, so I want to enjoy them.

between camps

I'm still trying to decide if being "too busy to blog" indicates a healthy life or not.

August is a magical time between camps. Kid's camp. Youth camp. Youth for Christ camp. Ironically, I haven't slept in a tent since Memorial Day.

I haven't slept at my house much this summer, either.

THIS is how the Kingdom moves forward. Deep, rich relationships. All in, all together type of community.

Jesus consented "the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." I'm blessed with a pillow every night, wherever I end up.

Internet, however, is harder to come by.

But, I would trade more than the Internet for the hope of eternal life. This summer has been such a gift, watching life after life transformed. Kids bringing the hope and healing of Christ to their families. This is the good life!

reasons you cry

Our first communication with the outside world is a cry. It tells our mother, and anyone else around, that we have been born. Our cries prove that oxygen can enter our lungs. Tears mark the entry to life on earth.

Then, crying alerts our caregivers to our needs. Any need. We use the same cry, indiscriminately at first. Slowly, we learn that some discomforts merit more crying than others. Soon, we learn that crying does not always guarantee attention.

Along the way, crying becomes associated with weakness. Some learn to hide their tears, while others continue even louder. We learn to differentiate our needs, but the crying often remains similar.

Sadness. Disappointment. Betrayal. Regret. Pain. Anger. Happiness. We cry with any of these emotions.

We cry when loved ones leave. We cry when life changes. We cry when we are wronged. We cry when we cause pain to others. Sometimes, we don't even understand the motive behind our weeping.

The Bible is full of crying stories, as the earth itself is full of tears. But we weren't made for earth.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4 ESV

the fourth of July

My friend Skyler invited our small group to the greatest Fourth of July celebration I have ever been to. Seriously, it made me proud to be an American. Volleyball, wakeboarding, burgers, beer, and wonderful company. His neighborhood pooled fireworks for an hour-long private show at the end. Best fireworks I've ever seen.

Last Independence Day, I was in Burkina Faso. We forded rivers during a flash flood all morning to get to the school in Riahlo. Then, after a glowstick celebration with the children of the village, our driver backed into a bush and damaged the engine. An hour later, we were pulled over on the side of the road. I had just purchased an African cell phone and thought I had international texting. I texted the guy I was dating "can you text me directions to change a clutch on a Toyota Picnic. The text didn't send, but Gerard was able to call a friend with a Land Rover who drove our team back to Koudougou.

The year before, I invited myself camping with Chelsea and Al. No fireworks that year, either. Instead, we went to sleep early at our campsite at the hippie resort on Orcas. We woke up to a raccoon rummaging our dirty dishes. Al whipped the raccoon with a climbing rope and we all went back to sleep.

Before that, Megan and I "got cute" and went to Poulsbo for the 3rd. Then, my parents came over to enjoy a final Port Orchard fireworks display before I moved out of the Bremerton condo. Up until just now, I was thinking I spent that 4th of July in Mazatlan... but that can't be true.

And the year before that is detailed on a COTN blog somewhere. Julie and I orchestrated a July 4th barbecue at Casa Betesda for the interns and their host families. No fireworks, but plenty of hot dogs and rice!

This little trip down memory lane (recent memories, it appears) provides a snapshot of where God takes me. People and places change, but July is always a season of gratefulness. Sure, the good weather helps! The weight of freedom is even more meaningful to me, having spent a few summers abroad. God is unchanging in every culture, but uniquely understood.

I am grateful for His faithfulness. Grateful for the blessings of freedom, family, and warm days in Washington. I am grateful.

Faithful

My life is blessed with mentors. Friends a few life stages ahead (if stages can be measured, linearly) offer stories of how impossible circumstances were resolved. The situations vary, but the moral is the same. God wins.

That's the punchline of faithfulness.

In every circumstance, God wins.

This year, God systematically stripped away distractions from my life. Each dream of my heart has been refined. Some revisions are more painful than others. Yet, God remains faithful.

I got to spend all yesterday with my grandma and grandpa. They understand faithfulness. They know how to stick together. They know that God always wins. In fact, my whole family understands faithfulness. God has been faithful to us for a very long time.

For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. -Psalm 33:4

blessed

Our church is studying the beatitudes together tonight.

Blessed.

Jesus reminds us that He sets the world upside down. His blessings seem backwards. Our circumstances always appear insurmountable.

And yet, His blessing is more true and more real than any problem we can experience.

He sets everything right.

We are more than blessed.

character

"I pray he burns for more than gratification.
I pray he seeks God with his whole heart.
I pray he runs to holiness instead of temptation.
I pray he learns the beautiful, painful meaning of love.
I pray he seeks the best in those around him.
I pray he honors his wife as a reflection of Christ's pursuit and victory of the Church.
I pray he is filled with an eternal perspective.
I pray that I can support him as a sister in Christ, not a tempting distraction.
I pray that he knows the sweet taste of forgiveness.
I pray he is strong to lead a family that loves God.
I pray he is filled with grace."

A prayer of blessing written this March in France.
(Just in case he happens to read my blog.)

out of nowhere

The school year is so close to ending. The summer has already begun.

The year without plans in almost half-way through.

Yes, God. What are you up to?

global issues

The tension between earth and Heaven is more tangible some days.

This week, sermons and personal conversations thrust that tension to the foreground. Today is the only moment we have to impact eternity. The past is untouchable without grace. The future is unknown without faith. Only the miracle of God's love allows us to share the peace of the Gospel.

I spend a lot of time reading global news stories. In print, the world appears to be falling apart. In conversation, however, I see a different picture.

My friends are changing our world.

Global issues are important for every citizen of earth. Global answers come from the citizens of Heaven. Resolution stems from the realization that life is far more important than problems on earth.

Clean water. Education. Health care. Civil wars. International conflicts. All of these are earth problems. All of these issues stem from the brokenness of human sin. And all devastations can be answered, restored, made whole with grace.

The global issues are healed with the real intervention of Heaven.

I keep reading Isaiah 24 and 25.

Our problems are nothing new. The answer will perpetually be revolutionary. That's the beauty of grace.

favorites

It's AP English test week, so I've been noticing some "favorite" words.

Here's my evolving list of favorites:

season

eternity

family

community

transformation

peace

identity

development

ideal

humble

worship

moment

happy preview

May is often a crap-shoot in Washington. "April showers bring May flowers" and all. On the rainy side, though, April showers often encourage more May showers.

This year is starting off differently, though.

March came in like a lamb, turned into an angry sheep half-way through, but still managed to be sunny for Easter. April had a lot of good days, despite it's rainy reputation (Yes, there were a few obligatory deluges). And now, May is just showing off. The fresh snow in the mountains sparkles in the sunshine. The flowers are an added bonus.

Spring is a happy preview of summer. Long days, warm nights. Everyone is happier. Really.

As May is a preview of summer, Church is a preview of Heaven. Peace. Love. Acceptance.

That's why you leave a picnic at the park in order to make it to a 6pm service. Even if it is 84 degrees. Even if you can see Mt. Rainier from the park.

Just imagine what summer will be like. Then, try to wrap your mind around imagining Heaven.

:)

confidence and humility

Some days, I am the confident conqueror of the known world. Wanted and loved, there is no challenge beyond my grasp. I am trained and prepared for my tasks, therefore successful. My given name means "victorious spirit." On paper, I find myself to be impressive.

Yet, God in His infinite wisdom chooses to champion humility. The Master became an infant in order to rescue the entire world. My mightiest deeds will soon be forgotten in the overwhelm of history. In contrast, God became human and brought Heaven into the realm of earth. This makes humility such a big deal.

Arrogance taints the sweet, fierce reflection of my Savior. Confidence rooted in Christ maintains humility. It's a balance that the world will never understand, for holiness is not from earth. Humility is acted out on earth, showing the hope of Heaven.

"Humility is the beginning of sanctity."- Teresa of Calcutta

spring, after all

Spring is a happy time. The rain finally seems to have a purpose. The little flowers begin pushing leaves up through the soil. Soon, they'll bloom. The birds show up already. Mornings are brighter. Days are longer. In the Northwest, people are happier.

Spring reminds me of the good promises that come from Jesus. The promises of new life. The reality of His faithfulness. The hope of His salvation. Easter was so early this year, that spring just seems somehow sweeter.

"If we have died with him we shall also live with him; 

If we persevere we shall also reign with him.

But if we deny him he will deny us.

If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful for he cannot deny himself." -2 Timothy 2:11-13

He remains faithful. No matter what we do, he is faithful. No matter how hard the winter, spring comes. His promises are made true.

distressing disguise

"If sometimes people have had to die of starvation, it is not because God didn't care for them, but because you and I were not instruments of love in the hands of God, to give them bread, because we did not recognize Him, when once more the hungry Christ came in distressing disguise."- Teresa of Calcutta

little words

I met with a counselor this morning to talk about life. We talked about living "in" the moment and living "for" the moment. They are such little words. How can they make such a big difference?

In the journey of learning to live "in" the moment, I'm working to not define today by what I accomplish. There's a certain comfort that comes from the structure of a day, a week, a year. (I really, really like structure.) Yet, the only time that exists in eternity is the moment.

I am learning that Christ can be present in every moment. Sure, we still see dimly, mirrors and all (I Cor 13) but we can experience Christ in every moment. Easter changed everything. Resurrection reset the rules of Heaven intersecting Earth. Christ encounters His people (not just the ones who like Him, but ALL of us). We don't have to wait for the Eucharist to experience Christ. He's here! He's alive! He's very real in this very moment.

Oh, praise God who loves us. He has always loved us. He loves us right now. He will love us in the next moment, too, and EVERY moment after.

But God demonstrates His love in this: while we were sinners, Christ died for us. --Rom 5:8

I am learning that I love like a human. God's not surprised at all. He made me human! He loves me when I sin, when I am incapable of love. It's just so beautiful. He loves me right now. That, is the truth of eternity. That Truth is Jesus Christ.

forever new

I'm trying new things. Just yesterday, I went skiing for the first time. It was so much more fun than I hoped it would be. As a converted snowboarder, I really appreciated how much time you spend on your feet (as opposed to your face or backside).

Easter brought the promise of newness. New life. Forever life.

Easter is a lot better than skiing.

twenty seven

It's been a week since my birthday in France.

I could define the year by what I haven't done:
I haven't stuck in Europe, per my plans.
I haven't become Catholic.
I haven't slept much.
I haven't stuck to my Lenten fasts.
I haven't worked out. (Oh wait, I did run once in France.)
I haven't blogged.

Ever the idealist, I want this year to be spectacular.

Instead of listing the corollaries of what I have done, I think it is best at this point to realize the woman I am becoming:
I am becoming patient, more willing to wait.
I am becoming aware of God's goodness even more, even more.
I am becoming a joyful servant of the King, all over again.
I am becoming dependent on Christ's approval (which He already gives!) instead of any earth relationship.
I am becoming confident in the beauty of grace.

Trusting God for great adventures and Truth as a 27 year old.

learning to quit

If every year of my life had a letter assigned, this was year "Z". Closing out the 26th year of life, I have learned how to end seasons with dignity. Well, at least I hope that's what I've learned.

In the last year, I have quit my job to follow my dreams. Then, I quit my dreams to follow my heart. Now, I am at another crossroads, figuring out what dreams to surrender. The Mayans thought the world would end in 2012. Some days, I did too. But, the world didn't end. God won. He wins. He is still winning.

At church on Sunday night we were challenged to write out the mission and purpose and theme of our lives on a napkin. (The idea is that a napkin is a small enough canvas to clarify the essentials.) I have done this exercise so many times that I immediately knew what I would write. Straight out of Psalms 40: "Proclaim God's faithfulness and salvation."

So, how does "faithfulness" fit with learning to quit?

I had to quit striving (Psalm 46:10). I had to quit thinking I could earn God's graces. I had to quit thinking that my actions were anything to brag about.

Praise God, He is faithful! Praise God, He brings salvation!

Besides quitting my job and surrendering my dreams to minister in Burkina Faso, I had to quit my pride. When sin clouded judgment, I had to quit my self-seeking motives. That meant I had to quit pursuing a relationship I loved. That meant I had to quit the steps towards joining the Roman Catholic Church. It also meant I had to quit feeling sorry for myself in the middle of all of the quitting.

Grace is made beautiful in quitting. God's love is so big that He gets credit when we have to quit. His strength is made perfect, even in weakness. Oh, God is so wonderful!

The best part is that God never quit on me. That is how I understand faithfulness. That is how I understand salvation. His plan is just so much better than whatever I could concoct in my mind (and I sure have an active imagination)!

There is hope, always.

Twenty seven looks to be a beautifully terrifying year. Praise God for grace in every adventure!

like a lamb

I think about patience a lot these days. Mostly, I think about patience when I recognize that I don't have it. Or that I need it. Or, worse, I've lost it.

Patience is peculiar to time.

Without time, there is no need to be patient. There is no need to wait. There is no need to rush. There is no ability to measure how early or late someone or something is. In reality, time is the problem instead of limited patience.

Stick with me for a moment, bound in time as we both are. Notice some implications from the following Scriptures:
God is love (1 John 4).
Love is patient (1 Cor 13).
Patience is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5).
The Holy Spirit is God (John 14).

It is much easier to be patient in light of eternity. If God is eternal, He is above time. Or beyond time. Or transcendent of time. Take your pick!

While we are temporary in these bodies on this earth, it's easy to think that "this is it." But it's not even close to being it. This is not as good as it gets.This is as bad as it gets!

Trusting God, being patient, having faith all exist in the reality of a timeless God who loves us. He steps into time to show us His love. He frees us to love like He does. He allows us the privilege of sharing in His sufferings for moments at a time, tasting how much He desires us to be reunited with Him forever.

***********
March is coming in like a lamb this year, at least in the Pacific Northwest. I am personally grateful. Sunshine is a blessing, even more so when you know the darkness of winter. In the Northwest, we struggle to be patient. We struggle with the weather, even though we don't want to live anywhere else! We struggle with the "traffic" that the rest of the developed/developing world just laughs at. We struggle in line at the drive-through espresso stand.

But oh, when the sun comes out, we recognize a Power greater than ourselves. That's how my temporary home can be so spiritual but still miss Jesus. We have no real concept of eternity.

Stick with me one more time...

My home on Earth has always been the PNW. My "people" need more than lamb-like weather. They need the real Lamb, the Lamb that John the baptist talks about. They need the Lamb that Isaiah writes about. The Power higher than ourselves is Jesus Christ, God beyond time.

And somehow in the mess of all of this, God gives His children the beauty to be patient. Somehow, in the rain and in the glorious sunshine, He reminds us that Heaven doesn't even need the sun.

last day

It's more than the last day of February (short little month, after all). Today is the last day of a job that taught me humility. Today is the last day of the job that allowed me to read so many beautiful books. Today is my last day of drinking discounted coffee.

Today is the last day of work for an important public figure, too. Regardless of our beliefs about how to worship God on a Sunday, we should all pray for the direction and leadership of our Catholic brothers and sisters.

Today is another beginning. Today is an opportunity to see unity in the Church.

Grateful for every day.

confidence

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."-- Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm planning to spend my birthday in France. Waiting on an e-mail back from the Taize monastery in Southern France before I book my tickets!

Last time I tried traveling by myself worked out alright. Now, I am considerably more "ok" with being alone. I have so much more confidence, again, knowing that Christ has forgiven me today and always.

Oh, let the adventure come. I am ready!

Ephesians 3:11-12

bicycles and grammar

My passions often change but seldom waver. To create and extend a metaphor, I am a fixed gear bike while most of my friends are mountain bikes (and consequently, mountain bikers). In many ways, I still operate life with pedal backwards brakes. Sometimes I fly over the handle bars. Luckily, I have an awesome pit crew that intercedes through the wreckage.

Last night was a pedal-backwards moment.

I had been operating on the words of a simple vision, presumably from God. I was deeply convinced that I needed to prescribe to formal religion in order to rightly worship Jesus Christ. Intertwined in this vision was the confidence to marry a particular man. After the aforementioned young man broke up with me and moved on (as mountain bikes are adept at any terrain) I continued pedaling through life. Religion and earthly relationship merged inseparably.

Well-meaning family and friends stepped in to point out how I was hurting myself in this process. Yet, I remained convinced and pedaling. My choices were "all" or "nothing", and I didn't like the sound of nothing. I was too proud to admit my reality, too blind to see my deception.

Whether it was the sum total of sound advice, or the prayers of the faithful, or the very interception of the Holy Spirit of God; finally, last night, I stopped. 

I realized that the single vision I clung to came at a moment reeking with the garbage-scent of sin and death. Satan himself appears as an angel of light, after all. I saw with new eyes how God never abandons His beloved. I saw the hope of His best plans for those He loves. Nowhere did I see requirements to earn His favor.

In this new Light, I even see how God could restore fellowship with those I left and with those who left me. I am no longer convinced that God desires me to marry the particular man from the vision, rather that God desires me to love Him with entirety. And with renewed clarity comes renewed passion.

For all of my life I can remember, I desire unity within the Church. Roman Catholic traditions have taught me to revere the God who made us, knows us, loves us. Evangelical Christian saints have shown me how to love God in attitude and actions. Believers of Christ in developing nations have challenged me to follow Christ regardless of danger to self or family.

The last few months, I have been investigating membership in the Catholic church, but I see my capitols were backwards. That's where my theology boils down to a point of English grammar:

I belong to the catholic Church. 

Scriptures describe a single Church. Christ pursues His Bride in beautiful, holy monogamy. The word "catholic" means "universal". The single Church spends eternity with Christ.

Learning Roman Catholic traditions strengthened my respect and appreciation for the Church. Recognizing and making real the promise of life forever with Christ, I am strengthened and encouraged by the saints of every age. Together, we comprise the Bride. Together, we worship God forever. Together, we make His name great.

To those of you planning to come on Palm Sunday in support of my reception to the Roman Catholic church, thank you for loving me as a sister in Christ. But, go ahead and clear your schedules and worship our Lord whatever ways He makes Himself known to You.

I no longer feel compelled to become "Catholic" as I come to understand my propensities to the fixed-gear lifestyle.

Please pray for unity within the Bride of Christ. Please pray for the realization of the catholic Church, whether we get to taste it this side of death or not. Because, regardles of my own personal encounter with death, I rest assured knowing the Church will prevail forever.

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the powers of death shall not prevail against it." Matthew 16:18

quote on the wall

"Humility always radiates the greatness and glory of God. Through humility we grow in love. Humility is the beginning of sanctity."- Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Each morning, these words focus my day.

I used to be a quick study. Now, I'm not so sure.

I have much to learn.

on location

It's birthday day. Today is the triple birthday for my dear friends Amanda, Nicole and Matt. Let's just say we're all in our late twenties now (it seems older, but I realize we all have a LOT of growing up to do yet.) This year, I'm celebrating in Santa Clarita with Amanda.

This morning, I wrote Amanda a birthday note with a quote from St. Francis de Sales:

"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life with fear. 

Rather, look to them with full confidence that, as they arise, 

God to whom you belong will in His love enable you to profit by them. 

He has guided you thus far in life. 

Do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all trials. 

Whenever you cannot stand, He will carry you lovingly in His arms."

On feast days like birthdays to re-focus our concept of time and purpose. I'm at a stage of life where I need to re-focus everyday. Maybe, in fact, it's more than a stage but the development of a habit. Maybe this season is preparing me for a reality of worship in each day, each moment...

After a quiet, peaceful morning, we are getting ready to travel into the big city and embrace the adventure that life offers. Albeit kicking and screaming, I'm learning the peace of preparing for each day in quiet, reverent prayer. My life is slow, but it doesn't have to be boring. My future is entirely unclear, but it doesn't have to be scary.

Sunny California mornings help with this perspective, I think. (And I've heard Colorado mornings have much the same effect.)

A final thought from the book of Hebrews:

"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14

Oh, I need to live this!

love love love

Always, I am learning that God loves me. He loves His Church so desperately, so beautifully. God, Himself, is love. I am learning to love.

With a heart that could be worse for the wear, I am learning that there is always room to love. It's like God is stretching the corners of my heart, making more room to love each day. The heart is a physical muscle, but it acts like a spiritual muscle, too. Through the unexpected and uncomfortable of the last few months, God keeps defining the tone of my heart. I think my capacity to love is larger now.

I keep praying to trust God more.

a dollar well-spent

This song came on my iTunes tonight. There's a lyric half-way through that says, "love is a dollar that's already spent. love is a song that's been sung."

Depending on how you spin it, the lyric is either depressing or beautiful. Either it's a concession to regret or a valuation of commitment. Predictably, I choose the optimistic outlook.

I continue to see love as a choice. I continue to see love as a devoted and intentional series of actions. I continue to see love as well-informed sacrifice, aware of hardships and prepared for the unexpected. That's what makes it beautiful instead of depressing.

I've been learning about love my whole life.

So, if love is truly is a dollar already spent, I will continue to believe it was a dollar spent well. But love cannot be quantified within the metaphor of money. Love is significantly larger and more meaningful. I believe love to be timeless.

The ESV alone translates the phrase "steadfast love" 193 times. It's not the made-for-TV genre of love, either. No, it's the Rescuer love. I've been learning about love my whole life because God is good. Love exists because God exists. God makes love real.

Knowing God's love frees us to share His love. That love is beautiful. That love sits and rests, hopes and dreams, waits and restores. His love inspires us to love each other, beautifully instead of perfectly.

Love is the song I will sing loudest. Love is the dollar I will spend the most. Always

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." 1 John 4:16

for you, Grammy

Here's the update on my life:

I've realized, yet again, the deeper implications of Heavenly citizenship. It means that every human relationship is temporary. "Season" is one of my favorite words because it recognizes the temporary nature of life on Earth.

With the dissolution (maybe "transition" is a better word) of my relationship with Stanley, I realize that for a successful Christian marriage both spouses must recognize their Heavenly citizenship. Marriage is just as temporary as any relationship in light of eternity. Though I should be used to such world-rocking truths, my world continues to rock.

I am made for Heaven.

This reality is brighter than the shadows of Earth. Pain and pleasure are temporary. Joy and grief are temporary, too. Praise God, I was made to worship Him. Worship is eternal. So, in embracing eternal life, I'm using more time to pray. More time to read His Word. More time to love His people. More time to rest in His love.

"the reality, however, is in Christ." -Colossians 2:17

This is how a soul heals: reclaiming identity in Christ. Even if my heart gets damaged on Earth, my eternal heart cannot be broken. Jesus holds my heart too tightly. There's a promise in John 10 that "no one can snatch them out of the Father's hand." That promise is not temporary, it's eternal!

All this to say, I'm doing better.

My perspective was broken for a season. Life is hard when I forget that I'm from Heaven. Now, I hope to keep walking in this conviction. Now, I hope to share this Truth with those I love. Now, I hope that Christ's love will again pour out of my life, drawing others to Himself.

This is how the Kingdom spreads. This is how God brings Heaven to Earth. This is how the Church is built. This is how Christ's name is proclaimed. This is how we live.

two outcomes

With the extra time lately, I've read a lot of books. I finished The Difference Maker by John C. Maxwell last night. The book is securely returned to the Kitsap Regional Library return bin, so I can't look up the proper citation for this next quote. However, the truth continues to be paradigm-shifting.

According to the cited author (who I can't remember...) there are two outcomes in any situation: 1) you win or 2) you learn.

In many ways, life is familiar right now. I still live in the same community where my roots are. I'm walking out of a good relationship that had been infected by sin. I'm starting a new job and living in a new house. Many of these lessons are lessons I've learned once before. (Okay, more than once... but review, nonetheless.) I'd become so bent on "winning" within the scope of education, that I forgot the joy of learning. Ironic, I know.

"And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you." -Psalm 9:10

In the inevitable transition that must accompany growth, there is One who remains unchanging. I've learned that before, and apparently need additional review. So, there are two outcomes for 2013 (and every smaller increment of life, for that matter). Either, win or learn. I can win with Christ--the ultimate victor-- securing eternal life for His beloved. Or I can learn from failures, through His beautiful sacrifice of grace. What a sobering prospect.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerorsthrough him who loved us.-- Romans 8:37

My struggles pale in comparison to eternity, even within the history of my own existence. I am confident there will be bigger challenges in the future, too. But there is an overwhelming power of hope that comes with the promise of being on the side of the Champion.

Praise be to our loving God. He equips us to both win and learn every day. His love is too big for us to understand. Thank you, sweet Savior.

But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.-- Psalm 130:4

a year without plans

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined." -Thoreau

The year is only two days old, and I have no clue how it will unfold. I am still dog-sitting for two more days. The puppy is happily curled at my feet as I type. The Sugar Bowl is playing in the background. The quote above is from my cocoa cup.

Tomorrow, I have two "plans" on the agenda.

First, I'm meeting with the staff of Coffee Oasis to talk about joining their barista team. The big picture of the organization is to bring the Gospel to Kitsap county by providing hope and resources to homeless teenagers. As a barista at the Government building, the mission is to make good coffee and good conversation, strengthening community relationships and access to resources. These are skills God already gave me, for such a time as this.

Then, I have another class about the theology of the Catholic Church. The decisions of how to worship God are less clouded now, because I know that whatever decision I make will be mine. I continue to be amazed by how BIG God is. His plans are perfect.

These "plans" are small in the scope of a year: just two little meetings. But, any "plans" are small in the scope of eternity. I feel that I've been practicing the Thoreau quote my entire life. It has led to some incredible adventures. It has also led to quiet seasons of rest. Right now is a season of waiting, and I learn to be humble and content. (I know... I've said that many times before. At least I'm consistent!)

Independently, many friends and family members have encouraged me with the same promise made to the Israelites in exile:
"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 paraphrased

 God isn't looking at my life to say, "Crap! I forgot to tell Laura to do anything in 2013." Rather, He is stripping away distractions. He's refining my dreams and teaching me to trust Him.

It's about to be a beautiful year. Praying for your plans, too.